To Hell and Back

The Beginning: Chapter 1

It was the summer of 1918, my mother very pregnant, father and sister surrounded my brother's bed in fear that the flu was taking another life in our small town of Haskell County. My older brother Michael was thirteen when he was moved into fort Riley where all the sick boys and men were moved in that time, mother wasn't allowed in since there was fear she would get ill and lose me in the process. Tears filled my father's eyes as my brother reached a pale arm out and held my father's hand. 

"Pop, don't worry bout it. just take care of mom, Nancy and the baby" He smiled weakly and dropped my father's hand as he took off the silver cross from his neck and handed it to my father; "the Lord has our plans for us, it's just he wants me there sooner" my father wept heavily on my brother's chest clutching the necklace as he felt Michael take his arm and wrap it around father as he took his last breath. That was the Day my father broke and turned into what he is today. 

Seventeen years later, Here I am. Elizabeth Douglas; daughter of a lower class family with a drunk and abusive father with a mother and sister who probably don't care what happen to me, I know I'm wrong on that one. A hard slap on my face from my father knocked me out of my thoughts. 

"YOUR BROTHER DID NOT DIE SO I COULD HAVE A PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A DAUGHTER" I held a hand to my cheek where I felt a bruise forming already. Today I was getting yelled at for not wearing a dress but trousers and a button down; My father never wanted another daughter, he wanted a son. They arranged a marriage for my older sister to her older husband Kenneth, hes twenty-five. 

"Well I'm sorry you couldn't succeed with the first son to want another. you tried to pray come on, you really think Jesus would bless YOU with another son with how you treat me?!" I laughed "Come on now" My mother looked at me sadly and I looked away as I knew what was coming. He grabbed a fistful of my raven hair and threw me against the wall almost breaking through it, he clapped his hands on both sides of my ears and threw me to the ground. Through the ringing of my ears I saw my mother pull her husband off of me, Nancy pulled me to my feet to bring me upstairs to my room and held me close. 

I opened my eyes to the sun setting over the horizon, my sister wasn't in sight as I tried to sit up; I felt a shooting pain in my side nothing broken I was hoping anyway. I took my time before standing up and moving a chair from the corner by the window to the door making sure no one came in. I slid a hand under my bed feeling around the cool hardwood floor around for the metal box, "There you are" I muttered pulling it out as I placed it on my lap and opened it. I was faced with one of my father's straight razor blades; the shimmer of light that reflected off the steel blade made me smile, I rolled up the sleeve on my left arm wincing at first as I dragged the beautiful metal over my old scars, feeling relief wash over me; i stood up and too a look in the mirror seeing the pink and rose colored scars dance across my arm from my wrist to the crease of my elbow. I swiftly grabbed a cloth stopping the blood after hearing a knock and a soft voice whisper "Elizabeth?" 

I wrapped it around my arm quickly and pull my sleeve down. "What" I had moved the chair and opened the door so I was staring into the bright blue eyes of my mother and my sister "Are you okay? I know your father and you don't have a good.. whats the word? Beziehung"  I sighed slightly shaking my head "Relationship mama" My mother was born in Germany and was teaching us as kids. She nodded and smiled weakly "But it's important you keep the peace in the house" My jaw dropped as my sister nodded I did NOT just hear that. I knew my father was a monster but turning my mother and sister against me was not right. I slammed the door shut, put the chair in front of it, falling into bed I rolled onto my side facing the window "I need to be free from this hell..." I thought as I drifted off into a deep sleep until the morning  

I was awoken the next morning by my father banging on the door yelling at me to get ready for church or they were leaving without me I couldn't give a fuck at the moment so I threw my boot at the door "PISS OFF" I growled and put my pillow over my head; I could feel the anger from the other side of the door as my mother calmed my father down as they walked down the stairs to get ready for church. I heard the door slam close not long after so I decided to get out of bed, get dressed into another shirt and trousers I found some bandaging in the bathroom and looked in the mirror at my hand then at my chest "This is a good idea Elizabeth" I smirk 

20 minutes later and three rolls of gauze later I had a flatter chest and looked more like a guy than before other than my hair; I looked around the cupboards in the hall and found my mother's sewing shears I smiled and thought "Perfect" as I ran to the bathroom and started cutting, it was painful but exhilarating to see my curly raven hair fall to the floor I looked at my new hair and smiled happily "You wanted a son, you've got one" I smirked proceeding to clean everything up and sit on the couch reading a book until the family came home.