Codes and Chaos {ManxManxMan}

7.5-Facing peace

Maybe a bit longer than a few days. I'm right in the middle of my exams for gods' sake, busy fucking up Latin and wondering what the hell polynomdivision even means. Stressed out enough.

Also, this chapter was never supposed to happen, but I felt like I paced everything too fast. So you got 7.5 acts a bit like a filler. I already have 8 which ends the stage and plans on 9 which starts the new one. So, 7.5. Everybody alright with that?
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"You're tense" I bit my lip, trying to calm my racing heart. He might be here, lurking through the camera connected to the doorbell, inside the microphone for my digital assistant, in the codes of my watch. He might be next to me. He might be watching me.

And he knew that I sensed him. Never tried to hide it. He knew about Damari and Arnaxis, he knew about my identity. He knew about my whole life. Knew things far beyond digital information. Sometimes I feared, he might even know my thoughts. And I didn't even know his name. Never knew for sure if I was being watched.

So, at least I had to try keeping Arnaxis and Damari, both behind me and growing more and more confused, out of this. This was my fight. "Wait in the hallway, alright?" Arnaxis frowned "Why?" I tugged my shirt into my jeans, my hands into my pockets "I won't be away for long" he nodded and I could leave, jump into my once beloved safe space. This wasn't safe anymore. This wasn't mine anymore.

And the sudden realization I might not be able to go home again, hit me like a truck. This was my sanctuary. Had always been. I remembered renting it after my scholarship ended, after tiny dorm room with even more panic to be detected. I had loved this place. It had been mine.

I sat down on the couch, my vision fogged up while my breath was getting faster, forced me to sit down on the couch that was mine once. Still was, maybe. I had been wearing no more connectable accessories since the incident.

And now there was no more sign of intruders. No warnings on my phone or laptop, no glitches on the display on my fridge, not a loud siren screaming danger ahead. No. It was silent. He was there and he was gone again.

How wrong the normality felt.

It was childish stupidity to take my phone and open the documents before I ran the pen over the unfolded display without daring to breathe again. A few simple words, written in black on the digital board.

'Are you here?'

I waited. Didn't move or blink. For what must have been minutes and to the point where I gasped for air. But there was not a single thing that dared to change. Everything remained the way it was. No one answered.

Maybe he was gone for good.

Maybe he was never here, everything another illusion. There would be other explanations for a wound like the one on my arm. While stuffing my clothes into a bag and after writing a mail to Atticas Haslin, my boss that was most likely about to call and force me to socialize anyway, I found ideas, made hypotheses.

Maybe, just maybe I was only loosing my mind, had gotten worried enough to slowly fall apart, break. Maybe there was something wrong with my meds. It happened before. Sudden fainting, bleeding, headaches nausea. They were untested drugs, made in moldy basements and rented warehouses. Maybe they had a bit too much kick or reacted with each other in unfortunate ways.

I believed the theories my mind worked up, clinging to them like a drowning man about to be ripped into a torrent of uncertainties that would drown me and take my life if I lost the unfair fight. But my fingers lost grip when I opened the small drawer I used to keep my documents and meds, the moment I found a generous amount of small bottles in there, neatly ordered and sorted.