Memories of Yesterday

Trying to Forget

Little know what true pain feels like, let alone what it is. People go through life barely noticing what's around them, only caring about themselves. About their hair, their bodies, their social lives, how many followers they have on Instagram. Rarely has any one of them had to feel true and terrible anguish.  Not like me. No one can and no one will.

I stared at the front door of my new house, hesitant to open it. I felt fake. I knew this new place wouldn't help me forget, nothing would. I was lying to myself. I took a deep breath and walked forward. Every step felt like a dagger was being twisted into the deepest depths of my heart. 

"One day at a time," I whispered to myself. 

I didn't have any optimism that things would get better, but that mantra was the only thing keeping me going. I twisted the doorknob to my new...residence and stepped inside. 

"Guess the movers already beat me to it."

Boxes were neatly lined up in the corridor, practically screaming at me to unpack them. Not now though. Not now. I just wanted to go to sleep and forget about everything for a little while. I wanted to admire the little details of the house, like how the molding looked polished white, and how the hardwood floors were sparkling like a bright summer day, but I couldn't. I needed to stop thinking.

I trudged up the seemingly endless flights of stairs until I reached what looked like the master bedroom. The bed was already set up, and I thanked the movers in my head.

"I'll make sure to leave them a good review."

I sat on the bed, staring off into space, my thoughts swimming around in my head. I lay back, looking at the pale ceiling. My eyes hurt from crying so often, so having them closed was a welcome comfort. 

"Lord, just make it all go away."

But I knew, no matter how much I prayed, it wouldn't bring back what I had. It wouldn't piece together the broken shards that were my happy and carefree life. 

Tears streamed down my face as I thought about the reason I was now here. If life is supposed to be so great, why does it hurt so much? What did I do to deserve any of this? 

Amidst my tears and racing mind, sleep finally comes. I welcome it with open arms.