I'm tired.

 My eyelids suddenly begin to feel heavy. I carelessly look to the clock, it's only 3:25 in the morning. I thought to myself, thats not too bad. I quickly jolt up from my sloutching possition as I hear a knock at my door. My voice is faint, like a whisper of the wind. I try to choke out the words "I'm fine", yet a cat like noise comes out instead. Foot steps go to the distance. I'm all alone again. I slowly walked back to the computer, stared at the bright screen. My eyes have grown dull. I click the off button and collapse onto the floor. As I hopelessly sigh, I begin to crawl to bed. The thought of you approaches my mind. A strong pain occurs in my chest. I whisper to myself "Why do I keep letting you do this to me? Why do I keep letting this happen". I plop down onto my bed. I'm basically dead. We're all dead on the inside, really. Some just live without realizing it.. I just accept it.  My eyes shift from the dusty ceiling to my bedside table. I spot the shiny, silver blade. My mouth forms into an o, in shock, pleasure, and happiness. "Gosh" I thought, "Whats it like to be happy? its been so long.." I grabbed the blade.. ran my finger tip against the edges.. and the thought of you came back. I shuttered as a wave of sadness and hurt came across me. I squinted in pain and dropped the blade. I wasn't in control of my body anymore. I couldn't hurt myself. I couldn't hurt you. No matter how much you've hurt me. I can't hurt you. I suddenly fell on my eyes, and shut my eyes tightly. "I'm tired. Maybe one day I'll be able to sleep". My thoughts wondered off. I don't recall whats happened since.