Starstuck (Emo Version)

The Urges Return

It had been a few days since me and Jessie started dating. Since that time my urges to hurt myself were gone. Unfortunately they can back.

I was sleeping alone at 3:30 Am and I woke up wanting to die. I grabbed my stuffed sloth that Jessie got me and walked to Jessie's room . She leaves the door open so I won't be scared to get her if I need to. When I walked in she was sleeping so I laid next to her. Soon enough I felt her arms wrap around me and pull me close.

I turned over and she slowly opened her eyes and blinked softly. "Thought you could sneak into bed huh?" She joked with a sleepy grin. God she's so cute. I looked into her shimmery eyes and said "I guess so. But if you're awake I wanna kiss you" she pulled me tighter to her and she kissed me. We locked lips and laid there kissing for minutes. Her lips are so soft! She brushed my bangs back softly.

She whispered "I love you so much Vi. I could kiss you forever." I looked into her eyes and the kissed her cheek softly " I love you so much too Jess. You're lips are so insanely soft." I whispered back and kissed her. She pulled me in close and we kept kissing. She looked at me  and it dawned on her. I was still sleeping on the couch.
Jessie has forgotten she has yet to ask me to move to her bed so she could check up on my mental health status. She looked st me with growing concern. "Have your dark thoughts returned? Princess I love you and don't be afraid to tell me ok?"
I looked up at her and I caressed her beautiful face. "They have baby. I came as soon as I got the urges." She held my hand close to her and checked my wrist.

"Your cuts seem to be healing well. I'm glad!" she looked at the back of my hand and being her goofy self she licked it.

She then hit serious again. "Vi, I want you to stay with me in my bed from now on. I want to make sure you're ok and won't relapse but if you do I won't be mad at you." I nodded and moved closer. She held me so tight in her arms as I fell asleep.She was stoking my hair and I felt so clam I fell asleep almost instantly.

The next morning I woke up to the smell of coffee and before I could open my eyes Jessie was kissing me. I opened my eyes to see her blushing and saw she made omelettes fir us both. "Wow babe the omelettes look amazing!" I got up and she gently took my hand and walked me over to them. She pulled out my chair and I sat down. She pushed my chair in carefully and got me a glass of almond milk. She leaned over and kissed my cheek after she placed it down.

I took a bit and they were the best!!!i looked up at her and said " l think you're a Remy!" She laughed and played with my hair. "Baby I can only make omelettes unlike you." I couldn't speak, she was so amazing.

We ate breakfast and I decided to clean up because she cooked. I was washing the dishes when she came up behind me and hugged me. This was too much to handle I dried the last dish turned around and kissed her. 
We made our way to the couch and kept kissing. She the looked at me seriously and said "Vi you better not go anywhere, because you're mine! I'm not losing you to yourself! I need you she pulled me closer to her than before. " I promise you won't Jess." I looked her in her eyes they were watering. I pulled some cloth for my glasses out of my pocket and gently dried her tears. Which led to her kissing my hand.
After we spent an hour cuddling on the couch. I got the urge again! I hate this so freakin much. I can't keep doing this. I got up and I stormed into the bathroom where I kept my razors.
I didn't know it but Jessie followed me worried. I grabbed my razors and a pair of scissors. I reached into the bag of razors and grabbed one.

Right then Jessie places her hand on my wrist, and yelled "no! If you're going to do that you'll have to hurt me too." I looked up and whispered "bae it's not what you think trust me." She removed her hand unwillingly. I grabbed the scissors and began to cut the razors up. I was on my last one, when I looked at her. Tears rolling down my face and said "I can't keep going on like this! I can't keep hurting myself.... I have you now. What I do to myself it matters!" She dried my tears. And held me tight.
I buried my face in her and whispered "you're not going to lose me to myself because I'm not letting go. Jess I love you! And I want to keep waking up to see your beautiful smile. And the way your eyes light up, and your cheeks get puffy when you smile. Your cute little dimples you have. I'm not letting go of this. I'm staying alive!"
She held me and I sobbed. "I'm so sorryI was ever suicidal! I'm sorry Jessie I love you!"
She rubbed my back and said softly "shhh, it's alright now. You're staying alive and that's what matters. This is going to be a long journey for us but it's worth it babe. If you do relapse and you might cause your addicted, tell me I'm here for you. I won't get mad at you princess. We're in this together."

I held her tightly and whispered "I love you so much." And she kept rubbing my back and telling me everything was going to be ok. I Stan our relationship so much!!!