It'd been 3 years since that day. The day Blaine's life ended. Since he ruined his future. Since he told Kurt about the actions he regretted more than he regretted the GAP attack.
He was depressed. He drank 24/7. He didn't have a job. He hadn't dated anyone since Kurt cause he knew that Kurt was the only one for him and no one could ever replace him.
He'd spoken to Kurt briefly the other week when he bumped into him on his way to starbucks. They said there hellos and exchanged their numbers so they could talk more. Blaine's heart broke fully when he saw just how happy kurt was. His eyes were so full of life and his smile reached his eyes. He knew that Kurt was happy and didn't need Blaine as much as Blaine needed Kurt. Blaine was happy for Kurt, of course he was. He'd always be. But he wasn't happy himself. He hated himself for what he did. He would never forgive himself.
He felt empty. He knew the only way he could truly ever be happy again is if he was with Kurt. But that wouldn't happen. He was pretty - no certain- that Kurt was over him and he more than likely had a boyfriend. So he began to think of the next best thing. Ending it all. There was no point to life anymore. His family disowned him when he came out and he discovered that his "friends" weren't ever really his friends. His career failed miserably since after his breakup with kurt, he got so depressed his grades slipped so far that he wouldn't get accepted by any colleges. So what was the point? He had nothing.
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Today was the day he was going to do it. Today was the day he was going to end his life, he had already decided on the method. Pills. He'd gone over many different ways but most of them were either too messy or too slow and painful. Pills were the best option he had. Plus they were cheap and easy.
He thank of Kurt and all the good times they had before. He thought of gorgeous glasz eyes staring into his own as they met on the stairs. He thought of the smile that illuminated the beautiful face of the hazel haired boy as he sang to him in the dalton choir room. He remembered the way kurts lips felt against his after he realised he was in love. He remembered the way kurt told him he loved him too. He remembered their first time, car journeys around lima, singing every song they could sing. He remembered the talks about how many children they'd have and what suits they'd wear to their wedding. His heart ached at the fact that he knew he'd never get any of that.
To Kurt:
Hi Kurt,
I know this is probably the last thing you want but I just want to tell you...I love you. I always have and I always will. Your my everything and I will never forgive myself for what I did 3 years ago. It was the biggest mistake of my life. I will never forget the times we shared together, happy and sad.
I love you
Goodbye
Blaine
He emptied the bottle of pills into his hand and stared at them one last time. This was it. There was no going back now.
He tipped them into his mouth and washed them down with some whisky.
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Kurt was led in bed , reading, when his phone went off. He gasped when he saw the ID pop up on his screen. He didn't expect Blaine to actually message him after they had swapped numbers a month ago.
He read the message 3 times before breaking down into tears and dressing himself quicker then he ever had. He knew something was wrong and he had to see if Blaine was ok. Everything in that message just screamed "help me" to him and he had to find out why.
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When he reached the small apartment door it record speed , he banged on it, shouting , screaming, crying for Blaine to answer it. After 2 minutes and nothing, he kicked the door down, not caring about how much it would cost to replace, right now the only thing that mattered was whether the man he loved was ok.
He searched every room, calling out Blaine's name, praying desperately for a response or just something.
When he reached the last room - the master bedrooms en suite- he slammed the door open and what he saw made his heart smash into a million and one pieces. He saw Blaine's body led against the bathtub, pale and breathless. His eyes rolled back into his head and not a single ounce of life left.
Kurt rushed over and held the corpse of his lover in his arms and just cried. He tried to revive the man with kisses and CPR but nothing worked. Nothing was going to bring back the man he loved more than anything. Nothing.
He just cried and cried until there was no more tears left in his system. When the tears stopped he just screamed. Screamed until nothing left his mouth. And when that stopped. He just stared. He looked at the lifeless man on his lap.
He loved Blaine. He never stopped. He was just to afraid to tell the man how he felt and he regretted that so much. He had never been able to tell blaine that he was the only one for him.
The end
