SAUDADE

fluke

"Why?"

They stood in the narrow dim lit hallway of the hotel when he finally asked her this very question which had been bugging him since the last time they had a talk.

Since the beginning of time, fate has had its own way of doing wonders and causing tremor. So, it was abetted to play with them as well. Therefore, they crossed paths again.

They were both invited to a party and as soon as there eyes met in the hallway, they stopped dead in their tracks as several buried memories came rushing back in their heads, creating an air of nostalgia and mixed emotions.

She seemed to be at a loss of words,
or as he had always thought
"Silence, her favourite answer of all.
Messy thoughts, as they have always been."

He sighed and smiled inwardly over the realisation that she had not changed.

"You know, I'm not a telepath." he said in a low tone with a small curve playing on his lips.

Yes, he was hurt. Yes, he needed answers.
But there was another fact : he loved her with all his heart. He always had, undoubtedly.

At low times, he hated himself for loving her so deeply but falling out of love wasn't an option for him.

Hence, after such a long time, when he saw those brown eyes, those rose tinted lips, her wavy raven hair-when he saw her, he couldn't help but adore the graceful woman standing in front of him.

He was lost in her until she whispered
"How're you?"

He chuckled to himself
"Oh, Good Lord! She hasn't changed at all"
and replied "I'm fine. Have you been well?"

She could feel the concern in his tone and nodded in reply.

How could she speak? Indeed, she couldn't think of what exactly should she say first.
He looked so peaceful, just having him around felt like home which she had to leave long ago but how could she tell him?

How would she tell him that even then her heart sung songs for him, the stars reminded her of him and not a single day passed before she had wished for his health and happiness, and that his cheeky smile, his smooth hair styled in a quiff, his too-long-for-a-guy-but-pretty eyelashes, his hazel brown eyes-every little gesture of his was deep rooted in her memory, unforgettable and vivid.

Silence fell, again. It started to annoy him, partially because he had been waiting for her answers all that time and rest because he was dying to hear her voice.

"Why did you leave? Why did you have to say that I deserved someone better and leave without stating a reason? Wasn't my love enough or did you not love me at all?"
He asked but only met with silence.

"Answer me, for Heaven's sake! I'm asking you a question!" He yelled out impulsively, regretting it the next second as he saw her shudder and stare at him in shock.

He was about to speak but she interrupted him, turning her glance to the floor
"It wasn't because I didn't love you, it was because I hated myself. I had always, I still do but then...it had become unbearable."

He sighed and whispered "How could you hate something I loved?"

She continued "I was crestfallen and anxious, nothing seemed to go right and I wanted someone to listen, to lend me a shoulder to cry on, to be there for me, and I wanted so bad for it to be you. I knew you were busy and stressed yourself, you had much on your mind and so less time to talk, I understood but I was dying inside. I started to feel like I wasn't good enough, that you deserved someone far better, but trust me, you do. I was puzzled and wanted to clear out everything. I needed you to be happy so I thought distancing myself away from you will lessen one of your problems. I'm so sorry for hurting you.. I.." She choked as if she hadn't spoken so much in decades and a tear escaped from her eye, followed by a gush of others.

Her state broke his heart, after all, she was his heart and that hurt his soul as if someone had pierced his soul with venomous stakes.

He walked towards her and caressed her cheek with his thumb ever so gently that she might fall apart if he became a little too harsh.

He whispered "Look at me."

She raised her head to meet his shining eyes staring down at her.

He continued in a low tone "I made you my world. I don't know what I deserve but what I know is that I loved you and I always will. Nothing can stop me from doing that."

He gave her a half smile.
"Since the day you left, I hoped that someday I will find you. Someday, I'll have my heart back. And make this clear in your mind, it's my duty to listen to you and to be there for you no matter what, don't you ever think that your problems are a burden to me."

By then she was sobbing and apologising for everything she did and wouldn't even let him console her.

Defeated, he chose a way to calm her and satisfy the loneliness he had felt all the while he was away from her by crashing his lips on hers.

Her tensed body, slowly relaxed in his warm embrace. She felt the tingly feeling in her stomach like she used to do back when they were together.

He pulled away slowly and pecked her temple.

"Do you know how much I missed this, how much I missed you?" he pouted.

She couldn't help but let out a giggle and said "I love you so much."

"I love you more, Mi Corazón."

He pursed his lips and his eyes glistened with joy "How about we ditch this party? Let's go on a date."

She chuckled at his excitement
"Sure, but where to?"

"As always, first to the ice cream stall, then a long drive away from the city to our place in the countryside, under the star lit sky. Ready to go home? " he said pressing his nose against hers.

That night looking up at the night sky, she thought :
After all this time, he's still the same and loves me the same, probably even more. And I found my way back home. Indeed, it is rightly said that when we want something, all the universe conspires in helping us to achieve it. And fate, truly has its weird way of performing miracles.