found (clay jensen)

don't be a princess

This part deals with sexual assault in the form of a flashback. If you're uncomfortable with this subject, message me if you want to talk, and I'll be happy to rewrite it. This felt important to share as a writer. Enjoy!!

As I stir awake from my sleep, memories from last night gently surface in my brain, and I smile as I feel the telltale warmth of Clay Jensen sleeping soundly beside me. I rise slowly out of his arms to find my emergency change of pants, which I had stowed in the car for mornings like these.

I scoff as I realize my car had never left the school parking lot, and that class is due to start in ten minutes. I find an random hoodie to put on so I'm not totally exposed and tear the car apart in a frantic hunt for my bra.

As I search, Clay begins to stir, and finally jolts awake as I swear loudly, having found my bra but lost my shoes. He looks around wildly before laying back down again, remembering where he is.

"Morning." His voice is husky from sleep, but I can hear the smile behind his words as he pulls his boxers back on. Even though I sit in just a hoodie, frantically pulling on my jeans and clutching my bra, makeup smudged across my face, Clay looks into my eyes and grins. He leans over to kiss me on the forehead. "You look beautiful."

"So do you, Jensen." I smile at his sleepy expression, and toss him his shirt from yesterday as he glances around for it.

I pull my makeup bag out of my backpack and use my phone as a mirror, replacing yesterday's smudged makeup with a brand new look. I silently praise myself for keeping a spare pair of jeans just in case of days like today, where waking up in the arms of a sleeping boy and getting ready for school occured within the same morning.

"Shit, Isabelle, we never left school!" Clay exclaims suddenly, ducking from the window and throwing himself between the car seats, peering wide-eyed up at me.

A flash of oh shit strikes through me as people begin to flood into the school, passing only inches from my car window. I brush my hair quickly and smack Clay lightly on the arm with the hairbrush, bringing his attention back to my face.

"You need to get out before more people come," I say hurriedly. I don't even want to think about what the jocks might do to him if they saw us.

"Why?" Clay asks, looking slightly hurt.

Then the whole school will think I'm a slut. They'll know that Hannah wasn't lying. I think, but hold my tongue as his sad eyes meet mine.

I roll my eyes playfully and smile at him, trying my hardest not to hurt his feelings. "Just 'cause I'm pretty sure having sex on school property is against the rules."

The guilt of my lie stings, but I keep my smile plastered on my face as the sadness leaves his eyes.

"Yeah that makes sense," Clay says quietly, turning to leave with a brighter face than before. He turns excitedly to me. "So is there anything you'd like me to call you, like a nickname or something?"

I sit for a second and think. I haven't let anyone call me by my real nickname since Jeff had died. I know now that nicknames are a sure fire way to let people to close to me, just for them to get hurt.

I shake my head and push it aside. He was close enough to me that it felt necessary for a nickname, but the way that my brother Jeff, and eventually Hannah, used to call me Izzy caused me too much pain to let that name be used again.

"Just call me Ellie," I say, feeling comfortable but also uneasy at the dread in my chest from my decision. He brightens as a knot in my stomach unfurls, and I feel great peace.