Fighting

Letting Go

                       ~Curtis~

It had been a couple of days sense Bullet had left and even tho I've missed him and am tired of him coming and going, I was ready to finish this whole thing with the Snakes Pit. We had sent Andrea to a save house a couple of hours away not to far so that we can get there easily incase of an emergency, shes been there a couple of months we've keeped our communication to a minimum just to be save. We had just finished Church and decided to head out and hit the warehouse where they were keeping all the girls. And while half of us did that the other half was gonna raid there compound take them all out. If it was in any other circumstances I would not allow them to hit while they were drunk or high out of there mind but right now I just wanted justice for everything they have done.

I'm sitting on my bed driving my fingers through my hair trying not to think about all the ways this can go wrong because if I'm being honest it can this I'm afraid has not been our best work and I have not been involved in most of it so theres alot i dont really know but that's not the point if the Pres says we are good to go the we Ride, we ride for our sister, we ride for our wife and mothers. We ride for each other and most importantly I ride for my self, hoping that this will give back at least and inch of what I lost that day or that it helps me give back at leas a small part of what Andrea lost hoping that that small part or that inch can help us rebuild something better her our wall get stronger and keep us going because right here and right now I'm not going I'm on a stand still of a maybe, maybe if it didnt happen, maybe even dough it happend, and maybe is not good enough I have lived in this vessel, I have suffered in this skin that does not feel like my own for far to long and I want to regain my power I need to move foward and I know I wont be able to do that if I dont learn to accept what happen but to be able to accept I need to let my anger out I need to start my grieving prosses and this is where it starts this is how it's going to change this is me taking over the handles of my life and stirring in what i hope is the right direction.

But can I really do that can I really live with what I've been through can I really learn to love with everything that has happend can I completely devote my self to anyone else not just fiscally but emotionally. I dont even know but worth a try it better then being here sitting in the back watching everything and everyone move foward while I'm on autopilot. That is no longer enough I have been trying to get that sick basterd for so long I'm not backing out.

And with that all my memories came rushing back in a way to help me give in to keep me safe but did the complete opposite.

I was just done in the bathroom washing my hands when the door opened and closed. I heard the lock followed by a couple of boots heading my way I turn to see who it was and saw Viper heading towards me.
"I told you to stay away from her"
"Shes my friend and I'm not gonna do that no matter what you say or do so come on take your best shot, I. DARE. YOU." I should have keeped my mouth shot because next thing I know fist were flying my was I tried so hard to fight them of but it was 5 of them against me. Then they stoped it all stopped l, my eyes were swollen but I could make out Viper undoing my jeans and sliding them down
"I heard somewhere you like to be fucked so let's give you what you want so badly see if it get the massege through" and the bent me over the sink made me looked at the mirror straight at him. My brain was telling me to fight back to not give up my brain was trying so hard to have my hands move I was trying so hard but I could do anything but hold back my tears I wasn't gonna let them see me broken I wasn't gonna let them see me cry and as he rammed himself in me my brains scream my body begged and my eyes watered but I didnt cry not one tier dropped not one screamed left my lips. The took turns all of them every single one of them touched me fucked me and rammed themselves In me and made me watch looked me straight in the eyes with sinister smiles or smirkes on there lips and invaded me with out my consent I watch and I made sure to remember each and everyone of there faces because this wasn't gonna be the last the saw of me. There was only o e that didnt meet my eye only one that looked away and that one was the most gentle of them all when he did lock eyes with me he looked like he regretted what he was doing like he was being forced to it and he apologized he mouthed his sorry so many time I read his lips so many times I thought that I might have imagined it I thought it was my mind playing tricks but no he finish and cried he was also abused that night I dont know what the had on him but all I did was nod at him and them they let me drop. I was there on the bathroom floor in pain bleeding but not once did i cry i waited for my body to heal a little for my brain to kick into action and got up fixed my self and headed home where i cried myself to sleep. And did not leave my room for days.

I have been living  that nightmare in my dreams for more than a year and  it was time to move on to work on getting better. There was a knock on my door  I looked up to see my father open it.

"Were heading out now let's go."I got up grabbed my gun put in my vest and cut and followed him out, we were on our way to make him pay I was gonna make sure it was an unpleasant death for that motherfucker I was gonna make sure he begged me to end his life, I was gonna make him believe he was dead to them bring him back and make him suffer some more and I would enjoy every single minute of it.