Flo's Story

Dinner with Mother

I finally gave in to my mother's pleas. She's been complaining to me about not letting her spend time with her grandchildren. She is great with them, but she is toxic for me. I know that my kids had lost their father and I had no intention of keeping the people that they love away from them, but sometimes these people were a trigger for me. I tried to make sure that their life was as normal as possible even though I knew that nothing would be normal, nothing would make sense ever again, and nothing would make them feel better. Only time could heal the pain and the loss that they felt.

My mother was going to come home for dinner tonight at 7:30 pm. She was always so precise with time. I wish she would be as precise with her affection towards me as she was with time. I was in the mood for mashed potatoes. Getting dinner ready took me only 30 minutes. I prepared mashed potatoes, peas, beef stew, and spinach. I knew it was going to be a long night and I needed my comfort foods to get me through the night.

At exactly 7:30 the doorbell rings. I walk to the door followed by my three sons. They were excited to see their grandmother; they always got along so well with her. She would tell them stories about how the freedom fighters liberated our country and how her husband, their grandfather was part of the movement. They loved hearing about how beautiful she was as a young lady and how my father couldn't resist her beauty. She was a different person with them and another with me.

When I opened the door, they pounced on her and hugged her and then they rushed back to the living room. After they leave we stare at each other for what seemed like forever and I decide to break the silence. I only speak one word, 'mother' and she responds with, 'Flora' and with that I step aside and she gets into the house and disappears into the living room.

I set the table. Usually the kids do it, but they looked so excited and I didn't want to take away their joy. The last few weeks have been terrible. They lost their father, we had to move away from their home and I had to keep them away from the people they know. Even if the aim is to protect them. Today though, they looked so happy. They laughed loudly and their faces shown so brightly. I had to hand it to my mum. I don't know how she does it.

When the table was set, I call them over to the dining table and we all sit down to have a meal. After dinner, their grandmother tells them a few more stories. They would have been up longer if I didn't intervene.

"Micah"

"Yes mum"

"It's time for bed, go a long with your brothers and help them get ready for bed, I'll come check on you later," and with that they bid their grandmother goodnight and head to their rooms to get ready for bed. I get up and head to the kitchen so I can clean up and my mother follows me.

"Let me help you with that my dear" She says referring to the dishes that I was now preparing to wash.

"No, it's okay mother. I'll do the dishes. Would you like some tea? I can pour you some."

"I am okay" Silence befalls the room once more. I clean up the plates and I am done in a few minutes.

"I have prepared a room for you, it's late you can just go back tomorrow. Let me go upstairs to check on the kids, I'll be back to show you to your room." She only nods her head to agree. I go upstairs to make sure that the kids have brushed their teeth and changed into their night gowns. After that I head back down and find my mum sited on the stairs.

"Let's head up" She follows me to her room. It was a simple room. The walls and the ceiling of the room were white. The long curtains were a golden brown color and I matched the bedding on the mega size bed with the curtains - I know how precise my mum was on certain issues.

"It's not much, but I'm sure you will be comfortable, I have placed a few fresh towels in your bathroom, and you have a change of clothes right there on top of your bed. If you need anything I will be in the room next to yours." I start leaving and she stops me.

"Flora! Have a sit." I silently walk towards the bed where she was sited and she continues talking.

"To be honest, I didn't come here to check up on the kids alone. I wanted to know how you were doing. I know you and I do not get along so well, but I would like us to try." She sighs, holds my hand and goes on to speak, "It may not seem like it, but I do love you. You are my daughter and my only child. My version of loving you has always been different from your father's version, but I want to try and do it his way. Will you let me?"

I look at her eyes and I can see that she is being honest. Sited before me was a side of her that I don't remember, but a side that I would like to see more often. I need someone around me, someone that I can trust. Even though my mum and I never got a long I know that she could never hurt me or my kids. I had to give her a chance. I had to give myself another chance at having a mother who was now caring.

I smile and hug her to confirm that I was okay with it. Our relationship has always been strange we speak more through our actions than through our words. At least out of the horrid things that had happened, today, I can count a blessing!