I Am Hurt

Chapter Eleven

Weeping because of the memories, Lisa bolts to her room as Jisoo and Chaeng calls her name, but the blonde pretends that she doesn't hear anything.

Jisoo heaves a very deep sigh as she drags Chaeng to her room, "You can sleep in my room if you want." She suggests as she is afraid that the latter would think a lot when she is alone.

When Jisoo and Chaeng are already in Jisoo's room, Lisa comes out of hers, heading to Jennie's as she's still sobbing.

Opening the door and locking it behind herself, she blinks a few times to clear her vision before heaving a deep sigh and walk to Jennie's bed.

Inhaling the scent from the brunette's pillow, somehow, makes the blonde feel a little ease.

As she is about to sleep, the blonde takes the pillow beside her to hug. The pink book under the pillow catches her attention.

Opening the book slowly as if she is afraid that it would burn if she touches it. Because of curiosity, eventually, she decides to look inside the mystery book which she has never seen before.

1st January,

The day that my relationship with Kai had been exposed to the world. I was so happy that finally, we got the chance to tell this news to our people, especially our fans.

But, when I came back home that night, I felt the opposite of what I had thought, seeing Lisa's inscrutable face was not what I had expected when I was back.

She looked hurt. I didn't tell her that I was doubled when I saw the pain in her eyes, and that's when I knew that something was wrong with me. No. With the both of us.

Then something hit me. I was once told that Lisa loves me. When she confessed, I felt so excited, and I didn't know what the fuck is wrong with me.

The worst part was I didn't know how to respond to her, so I said I considered her as my sister. I shrugged my mind off of that, thinking that maybe, she was just kidding with me.

I couldn't think that way. I told myself. We are public people. Not to mention, some people can't accept that kind of relationship, yet.

So, I denied that small feeling inside me and rejected her. After that, we went back to normal, therefore I thought that her confession at that time was just a joke like what I had thought, and I didn't know I would be happy or....sad. 

Then, I started to hang out with Kai. We used to go out, and I had a good time with him. We laughed and talked together all the time. I was so relieved that it somehow helped me to forget of what Lisa had said.

After a few months, he confessed to me that he loved me, and I was so excited, but that feeling was different from what I felt towards Lisa, but still, I was happy.  So, I decided that I should give him a chance. Maybe, that was the best choice for all of us, including Lisa.

Some people have already criticized her about her nationality for not being a real Korean, so I couldn't let our relationship ruin something she had dreamed because of that stuff between us.

Anyway, tomorrow I will talk to her about our problem. I couldn't stand not talking to her anymore. One day, without Lisa, is like a torture to me.

After reading the first few pages of Jennie's dairy book, Lisa starts weeping hard, not being able to control her tears anymore. After all, Jennie gives a priority to Lisa first than herself.

She can't believe that after all of those days; she isn't the only one who has been hurt, but Jennie is also agonizing, too.

Wiping her tears, she flips to another page.

14th January,

Lisa and I haven't spoken to each other for two weeks. Since these days, we didn't have any events to attend, yet, she always locked herself in her room.

No matter how many times I tried to talk to her, I couldn't. She avoided me at any cost.

I was so frustrated about that. I miss her. I miss my Lili. I miss calling her name and being called by her.

She didn't call me nini anymore. Every time, she came out of her room. I bolted to her, but only to see her leaving and locking herself inside that damn door again.

Fuck. I hate that door that separated me from my Lili.

Today, I couldn't stand it anymore, so I stood in front of her door, waiting until she came out because I knew that if I knocked she wouldn't answer it anyway.

To my surprise, she unlocked her door, dressed in a black hoodie and ripped jeans. She was so hot, though. This monkey is always cool, and that made me stupefied for a moment before uttering to her.

When I told her that I wanted to talk to her, she told me that she was busy, and that when I realized that my Lili has changed. She wasn't the Lili that always found time only to be with me like before.

She went out with Jisoo and Rosé, and I was crying at home, feeling so painful at her avoiding state towards me.

Well, I couldn't blame her. After all, those were all of my mistakes. I chose what I thought was right, and that's what I got.

I should accept it, though.

Drying her uncontrollable tears, Lisa shuts the book, not wanting to read it again. She wonders why it is just a book, yet she feels so damn hurt by only reading it.

She prays to god. That, Jennie is safe. If it's not, she won't live in this world peacefully for the rest of her life.

Because of curiosity and not being able to sleep, she decides to continue reading that dairy book to kill the time, to know what has been written inside, so she opens it again and continues discovering that mistery yet priceless book of her Nini.