You dont know me

the funeral

"and I love the way he makes me feel and if I am a reflection of him."

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I know she wasn't the best not by a long shot.
But she still was my mom's.
she used me in many ways before.
Once she sold me for some crack.
I ended up pregnant, I was so happy maybe I shouldn't have been considering how the baby was made but it was still my child my heart my everything.
sadly when he found out I was pregnant . he..
he...
he punched my stomach till I started bleeding.
Maybe I should hate my mom but I don't she wasn't always bad. After my father died she went off the rails.
Standing over her casket I look down at her.
Trying to remember the good times.
"babygirl you gotta keep moving" I feel a hand placed on my back. turning around to see who it is I'm shocked. 

"I can't it just hurts to much Chris." He brings me into his embrace 

"Its okay baby girl I got you and the kids." I reach for Lilacs hand going to sit down.

We make it back to our seats while the pastor talks.

"God took this women to his kingdom." If only he knew I thought.

I look towards Chris who is holding Malik. 

"Chris can we get going I got work at 5." I tap his shoulder

"Dont you wanna go to cementary." 

"Hell nah I might be sad about losing her but she sold me she abused me she doesn't even deserve for me to be here right now, We out." I pickup lilac and hold her walking out the church.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- At Work

This job is so fucking irrating. I just needa get my GED and get my CNA license and me an my kids good.

I wipe down the last two tables.

"Whew I cant wait to clock out." I grab the tray.

"Watch where the fuck you going" A deep voice behind me says.

"Nigga who tf you talkin to" I turn around about to give this mothefucker a piece of his mind

Im stopped dead in my tracks.