I'm Sorry...

A Short Vignette

        A beautiful day, yet the blue sky seems like an endless abyss. Birds caw in delight as their hatchlings finally claw their way out of their shell. And the sun shining as bright as can be, enlightening every centimeter of this world, but missing one tiny corner. The imaginary rain splashes on my face, my soul and body enveloped in a bubble isolated from the rest of the world. My mom, she urges me to make some new friends, pushing me into the cold arms of stranders, as if I were an unwanted puppy she was just waiting to get rid of. But that doesn't bother me, for I'll never forget what happened to my best friend, Jason.

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        It happened on this very day, a year ago. Jason was the enemy who became my best friend. He was the day to my night, the yang to my ying, the person who brought out the best on me, and yet I abandoned him. I don't know what made me leave him; I still don't. All I remember is going to a "cool" kid's party that he wasn't invited to. I blew him off, along with our tradition to go biking every Saturday, but he still stayed loyal to me. I was blabbering about the party that whole week, and how I was going to bring this awesome surprise for the kid. Yet on the day of the party, I went to the house, leaving my surprise on the table at home. Jason, getting ready to bike without me, saw my mistake, and being the good friend that he was, he decided to bring it to me. So instead of taking our usual safe route, he took a shortcut through the woods to get to me. I saw it happen. He was waving and grinning and calling my name when the unthinkable happened. Just as he was crossing the street, a drunk driver did a hit and run. It was as if we were underwater. Time slowed, and the sickening sound of the crash wouldn't let go of me. Tears rolled onto my cheeks, like it was a race to see who could fall out first. My body went rigid, my mouth was in the shape of a silent scream, and my feet stayed glued to the ground like it was their life mission to keep me grounded. I was still in a daze when he was taken to the ER. I stayed with Jason day and night, weeping, wishing, and willing his eyes to open. I was grateful that the monitor was beeping a slow, but steady, beat. But the one day I wasn't there for him, the one hour that I left his side, he leaves me.

        "He's gone." The doctors and nurses shook their heads, and my parents tried to comfort me. This news dropped from the sky like a sugar donut deprived of all its sugar. No. I shook my head. No, this isn't true. It's all a nightmare that I'll wake up from in the morning. How could Jason, the class clown, the golden boy, the valedictorian, be gone from this world already? Yet I knew it was true when I saw the flat line on the monitor, never to leap back to life again. Reality hit me like a slap to the face, and this time, the bawling just couldn't be held in anymore. My knees hit the ground with a thud; tears streamed down my face like the water in Niagara Falls. And the scream that broke loose must've woken people miles away. But I didn't care. Didn't care about all the people looking at me as if I were crazy, or the bewildered nurses who tried to hush me. My best friend is dead, and it's all because of me. All my fault, all my fault! The words echo in my head and all around me as I rock on the floor.

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        I squint into the blue sky, reminiscing the good times we had. Now the only things I have to hold on to are memories. Memories of all the times we've had since our first time meeting: the good and the bad. Now I'll never be able to laugh with him, never be able to hug him or have him comfort me, never be able to spend my bad days with him. Now I'll never be able to play pranks on our siblings with him, never be able to throw water balloons at him, never be able to joke with him. What I once took for granted is now gone, taken from me forever, and it's all my fault. I breathe in deeply and search for a sign that Jason is up there.

        "I'm sorry Jason. But don't you worry. Give me a few more years, and I'll be there with you. I know you're up there waiting." I whisper these words softly into the caressing wind, hoping it carries them to him. Then I turn around and leave.