Been thinking about him, and boy, my stomache feels like its gonna disapear into thin air. I wonder what love feels like, not sure if ive felt it before, maybe just strong emotions, not love. But still i want ro see where this goes, but at the same time i want to explore. I want to experiance a girlfriend and what the sex is like. I kinda want to go out with jayden just to be held and put on this pedastal, which is wrong if i dont recipicate the same feels but who knows, i might have a thing for him. But i dont know what it is about dylan that just so happy. I love his hair and the way he carries himself. I love his geeky manor and his sexy glasses. He walked into theater today without his jacket on and just a loose t-shirt. I suddenly became flooded! Wow, i didnt know a peice of clothin could turn me on. Yet, deep down i know it wasnt the clothin, it was the molded flesh behind it.
Maybe i should just slow doqn and enjoy life as it comes. Fika, as they call it. But i know i could never do that! No, thats silly. I must think ahead and i must over think and underthing and think about the small things that dont even matter whilst missing the big picture. Its what im good at!
Aeipathy? Would you call it that? A consuming passion? Maybe its more of a wanting. My body is drawn to him. Why is he of such importance to me? I dont know! Im not sure, why do i get like this? I take every relationship thats good and run it into the ground. Ah, im no good, for we all must survive, im just barely on love. Im no good.
I want to feel his lips on mine. Yes, i realize that may sound odd, but its called for! I do, i really do! I want to kiss when we see eachother lie its no big deal. But, alas, we are both too ackward. I think i need to just step up and take charge if he wont. I doubt i will though.
Oh no. I havent told you the worst of it. Theres a guy named dillon. Same name as the guy im dating, just different spelling. And i dont know if i am in love with him. I think he has totally lost interest with me though. I dont know but everytime i think of him i get flustered and sad. Wasted opertunity. But, i knew it wouldnt work because we live multiple states away and i couldnt text him. Clown moment. I think of him when i watch will farrel.
