Diary of An Adolescent

PAGE 9.

Dear Me,
  Could you be a little more honest with me? I couldn't get to the part where I was actually honest with someone. Your the reason why my emotions are in a maze, the wall in my head is barely holding on. No reason why I'm so sensitive, no reason why I can't tell them I actually have a heart, no reason I have no belief, no reason my sexuality is forever gone. If only I set you in the right place I wouldn't be writing this, but here I am. I can barely look in the mirror with the small voice in my head saying harmful things to me. There's a reason why I'm bipolar due to your emotional mixtures, how am I supposed to know if I'm going to be happy or sad. To stand in front of my mom knowing she can't see through me, and read the mask of depression. To believe in things that I know will never be worthy, and ruining the joyful times because I thought I was being to much. I can never find a way to unravel the knots of you and I. How am I supposed to help myself, for god knows it will take 20 people to figure out my symptoms. I remember that one time in elementary I had broken my arm, I felt no pain, but I acted like it hurt, the doctor asked how bad it hurt, I said 10 even though it was a 3. When my pet died I couldn't get myself to cry or feel bad, it made me feel lifeless. Should I feel guilty. Who am I to tell when I can't even make up my mind on small things due to me overthinking, and getting anxiety attacks.
                                               Sincerely,
                                                        You.