to fatima,
i read your small speech thingy towards me
and like even took the time to google translate the last part because I'm dumb and not bilingual, sorry
and i j want to say
proud of you for getting your diploma
I mean I was there because I was with shanes family for his graduation
but like
what do you mean you proved me wrong?
i never doubted you at all
i was always impressed when i would read your stories on here and impressed when i looked at your art and stuff like that and your opinions and thoughts
and
yeah
idk man
to be honest i haven't thought about you in like a full year or so now
i've been really caught up in life and all the crazy stuff happening around me
and yeah i know you have three of my accounts blocked
idc
if you don't like me, that's fine
I don't really care anymore, people have their opinions and the decisions they make are none of my business
that goes for everyone
but even if you don't read this
I just want you to know, that
I am sorry.
im not asking to be your friend
Or for anything at all
I just want to tell you
That i was not in the right mindset at all then
I'm still not, but at least I know how to treat people now, and a fuckton of stuff has changed in the past 3 years
I just feel really numb now, all the people that have come and gone, left just like that, not even realizing the impact they made on my life
I feel like that's what I did to you
I hurt you, and was such a brat, selfish as fuck, jealous, and so, so immature in every aspect,
That i didn't even realize the damage i'd done until I'd experienced those kinds of things myself
And now i look back
And think
How fucked up it was
And even if you made me upset sometimes, there is no excuse for how I acted,
how I freaked out over the tiniest shit
I dont really know how to put into words what I feel about it all
But it's a mix, of anger at myself, embarrassment, regret, and guilt
And those are all terrible feelings
I really wish I didn't meet you at the time that I did, not because of you, but because of me
I was a fucking idiot
I had no idea what I was doing, at all
I didn't deserve to be with someone as caring, loving, and kind as you
The things I said at the time,
some of them were purely out of anger
and I didnt mean them
Even if you don't believe me,
I never thought anything low of you, no matter how much I made it seem like that.
my friends never hated you, or thought you were weird, or any of that dumb shit, either
I dont know how or why you put up with that shit from me, but there is no excuse for how I treated you, even if I did have reason to be mad or sad or whatever
You don't deserve that from anyone, ever.
You are an amazing person inside and out, you genuinely care about others and you are full of ideas, thoughts, perosnality, creativity, and so much more
I know for a fact that you're going to go places in life, so
don't ever doubt yourself
keep doing what you're doing, and never give up, no matter what gets in your way
keep spreading your wisdom to the people around you, and just being you
I may have ruined things in the past, not just with you, but with lots of people
And i really hate myself for it
and
im ashamed
But I just want you to know, that, you really
didn't do anything wrong
and I really wish you could forget me and my dumbass self
because im not worth feeling bad about or whatever
And i know that
we won't be friends again
but I hope that you grow, and learn to be happy with yourself and love yourself like you love others, if you don't already
and you're right, i won't ever forget you,
because you impacted my life, and not in a bad way
I will remember you,
but I'm not hung up on you
like i was two years ago
and
im happy about that
I moved on a while ago,
after I started dating anthony early last year
and now
I look back on everything that happened with you and I
and dont feel hurt anymore.
you may hate me
and that's ok
you have reason to,
and I will leave it at that
I'm really sorry if you ever read this, and it bothers you, or makes you hate me even more,
and I'm sorry if i just sound like an absolute idiot writing this
because i feel like one right now
im exhausted and it's 5am and i still havent slept and have to go back to work in a few hours, so i apologize for the sleep deprived, shitty writing
but I want to say thank you for being a part of my life at some point
and i am so sorry if i took away your happiness or freedom or anything at all for the few months that we were together back then
but things are a lot different now
and i bet a lot has changed in your life, too
..
thanks for the short speech you wrote
im sorry if you didnt expect me to ever actually read it
and this probably will never even reach you anyways, but im still just gonna put it out there
even though im blocked on everything,
because there's always a chance
