Petra

Thanks to grandmum

In truth I decided to forget my past, but over time I learned that the past must be told, for the sake of ourselves.
My family is wonderful, my friends are fantastic, everything that surrounds me ... every time I look around I feel like I am living in a heavenly universe, but it hasn't always been that way.  My family, my friends, everything around me did not always belong to me.
Chomutov, Czech Republic October 2003, it was raining heavily and I was in the car with my mother, we had to go to my grandmother, it would have been the first time I would have seen her;  arrived on the road through the Valle di Bezruc, the road that led to my school, a man appeared chasing our car.  My mother pulled over and told me to wait for her in the car, whatever happened, I had to stay in there;  came down, approached the man, I couldn't see much though, because the windows were fogged up by the rain.  I waited for about half an hour and every time I tried to look out rubbing my fingers on the glass veiled by condensation, I saw my mother talking to this man.  Half an hour later, suddenly an old man, darkened and worried, opened his mother's car door, picked me up, told me to stay calm and made me sit on the back seats of his car.  After Dad left home I learned to keep calm in every circumstance, because I didn't want to feel the pain of that evening anymore, I get chills just now, but in that instant when I was taken away, I didn't pour  not even a tear and I remained silent without saying a word all the way.  After an hour's drive I had already fallen asleep;  arrived, the elderly gentleman picked me up and put me on a bed, but I don't remember much about that evening, I was devastated but I didn't want to shed a tear, so I decided to continue sleeping.  All this now seems totally crazy to me.  When I woke up, an old lady was stroking my hair, I raised my back and she handed me a cup of hot chocolate, I accepted it and while I was sipping it, the lady still continued to stroke my hair, until she said: "Welcome  little niece ", I shuddered and without hesitating, hugged her.  "Grandma, where is my mom?", She replied: "Your mom felt sick, they had to take her to the hospital, but don't worry, she'll come and get you back".  The way he spoke didn't convince me, but it was my grandmother, I had to trust her.  "Grandma, I'm happy to meet you!  Where is the grandfather? "-" The grandfather is in the kitchen, but you must know that he is not your real grandfather, that he left eleven years ago, but see Petra, life has taught me that we must never  cry, nor be discouraged because if you do it the first time it will be difficult to break this habit, I succeeded, it is not difficult you know?  Tell me, did you ever cry, did you ever get discouraged or did you ever lose hope? "-" Yes, Grandma. "-" Do you solemnly promise never to do it again? "-" Yes, Grandma, I promise. "  anyway that fessacchiotto is called Pavel, but you can also call him grandpa, he's a good old man you know?  Sometimes, you want or don't want to feel the need for a relationship with other people to be happy ".  The next day, as soon as she woke up, my grandmother gave me a big hug and said: "So baby, don't you go to school today?"  I rushed to get ready.  On the way to the new school my grandfather told me something about himself to get acquainted.  he told me that at my age he never studied, he enjoyed buying explosive bomblets and he always threw them under the teacher's desk, so she took him by the ear and forced him to stay behind the blackboard, then while the teacher explained, he  he peeked out from behind the blackboard with his head, made his tongue and everyone laughed.  Grandpa Pavel was very funny and funny.  Arrived, we went to school and my grandfather asked me: "So, how old are we here?" - "Eight grandfather" - "Third grade!  Look at this young lady a little!  Well, baby, I'll pick you up later, but one thing, come closer ... Don't use school to buy bowler hats! "  When my classmates entered the classroom, they started to laugh, at the beginning I didn't understand, but as soon as I sat down a little girl said to me:  Tomorrow, who will take you to school?  Again your grandfather with his little cat? ", Everyone burst out laughing, except for one child who, sitting next to me, said in an obnoxious tone:" Stop it, brat! "  "Laciali stay!  What's your name? "-" Petra and you? "-" Dominika ", immediately after the teacher entered and the silence reigned in the classroom.  After the day, my grandfather was waiting for me outside the school.  Entering the car he asked me, "So?  How did it go? "-" Good grandfather, I have a new friend Dominika, she is very nice "-" Did you meet anyone else besides Dominika? - "No grandfather, the others laughed at me, but Dominika defended me" - "  It must be a good girl Dominika, don't miss this new friend. "  The days flowed in a very pleasant way, Dominika and I became more friends every day, my grandfather always told me about his adventures and mischief that he had lived as a young man while his grandmother always remained sweet with me.  Finally Christmas Eve arrived, I had written my letter and I had given it to my grandmother, so that she could give it to Santa Claus, I asked: My mom and my dad together here with me.  I immediately got out of bed and hugged my grandparents, they were happier than ever, I couldn't wait for the evening to arrive so I could discard my gift.  We ate grandma's homemade pasta, almost never made it, usually we ate soup;  after I finished I asked my grandmother where she was my gift, she remained silent, I went over and shed a tear, I sank and screamed: "Grandma!  You told me you would never cry! "-" Yes, yes darling you are right ", he wiped his tears.  "Baby, you see, I don't think you can get your present this Christmas, I'm so sorry, I promise you I'll buy you the toy you wanted on your birthday."  He had not read my letter;  I embraced.  A couple of days before my birthday he asked me what I wanted to receive, but I didn't want anything, I just wanted my parents, nine months had already passed since Christmas, but I had promised, I should never have been discouraged.  On my birthday my grandmother made me a delicious chocolate cake!  And he also invited Dominika to our house.  The following morning I should have woken up early because the new school year was beginning.  Grandpa Pavel as he always did accompanied me to school, but his face was off, he did not speak all the way, it was not like him, something must have happened.  "Petra, how are you growing up ... now you're old enough, you have to know that the grandfather was fired." I was silent.  When she returned home her grandmother was not in the kitchen as usual, she was lying on the bed and staring at the ceiling, I sat next to her.  "How did Petra go today?" - "Grandpa told me everything, but you must not lose hope." - "Yes, you are right.  Petra, you are the bravest person I know "-" You taught me that.  I wait for mom and dad every day. "-" Petra ... "He was hiding something, I had to find out.  "Grandma, tell me." - "When your mother was thirteen, I had to enroll her in a boarding school, after her grandfather's death, I could no longer keep her economically, there they would love her and appreciate her and she would not suffer, I went to  find it very often and every time I found it always more beautiful and higher.  When her sixteenth birthday came, I went to see her, but she had already run away from the institute, I felt overwhelmed by grief, why had she done it?  Why didn't she understand that we had economic problems and wanted the best for her?  Your mother has always been like that, she didn't understand anything, she was always demanding and I couldn't satisfy her, you're so different.  I called all the people I knew, even the police, but she wasn't there.  Two years later I received a phone call, they found it.  A shiver ran through my body, the police took me to her, took refuge in an abandoned house, on the roadside.  When I entered that house your mother was lying on a cot, with a little girl in her arms, you were Petra.  I approached her, but she forbade me to touch you, she began to scream saying that I had chased her from home and I had locked her in a convent, she said that I had never given her what she wanted.  She didn't understand Petra, if only I could have given her everything she wanted.  I started screaming, I understood everything, she had reduced herself to doing dirty jobs to earn money, I told her that maybe I could grow you, but she didn't want to know, she wanted to stay there and she succeeded, what a great hard job  .  "Now where is he?" - "Petra, your mother is gone ...".  I felt dull, every second more.  "Why grandma, why?" - "After what she had done to do, she met violent people, bad people and she followed them to the end, people much older than her.  As he always did, he didn't want to reason and in the end his body was turned off in such a violent way, Petra ... You didn't have to live this life, you're such a smart, clever little girl, don't ever get discouraged. "  A tear came down.  "Was that man?" - "Yes Petra, that night when grandpa brought you here".  I embraced her, a woman like that didn't deserve all this, she was crying, but I let her do it.  He had accumulated too many tears all this time.  The next day, no one spoke a word, neither at home, nor on the way to school.  I couldn't see the time that year ended, it was really atrocious.  From the day after my birthday every time we came home my grandmother prepared the table and cooked food for me and my grandfather.  She no longer ate with us, we went to lie down on the bed and stared at the ceiling and every day I went to visit her, I hugged her and we began to talk, she did me so good to talk to her.  Finally the year was over, maybe what was about to begin was the right year to start again.  When summer came I was really happy, Grandpa Pavel had lost his job but every now and then he did some jobs to earn some money and that summer he gave us a huge gift, he decided to take us to the sea!  From the Czech Republic the nearest hot beach is in Italy, in Trieste.  After twelve hours of travel we arrived, as Italy was beautiful!  And during the trip we also stopped in Germany, Austria and Slovenia!  No one had ever given me such a gift and I knew very well that my grandparents had spent so much more than they could.  Our stay lasted a week, my grandfather had rented a cottage by the sea, I was very tired and I was already asleep when I arrived.  The following morning I was really happy, I saw the sea for the first time, it was so beautiful, without hesitating I put on my costume and immersed myself in water.  In the evening we took a ride downtown, Trieste was very pretty and different from Chomutov.  When I got home, I slipped under the covers and sank into a long sleep.  "Petra, I know it's three o'clock in the morning, but you have to wake up, get dressed quickly, we have to take my grandmother to the hospital." Grandpa told me.  I dressed immediately, rushed into the car, sat down and sat my grandmother's head on my shaking legs.  I caressed her face and her pale gances, I had never seen her like this.  When they arrived at the hospital the nurse told me to wait in the waiting room, the children could not enter the operating room.  It was five in the morning, but still no answer.  Grandpa Pavel sat next to me.  "Petra, you have to know something" - "I expected the worst.  "The grandmother has a thyroid tumor, I already knew it, but you see Petra ... I feel so guilty." - "Why grandfather?" - "We never had the money to cure it, we've been waiting for this day for a long time,  we both knew it. "-" Why didn't you ever tell me? "-" Petra, you shouldn't live this life ... "-" No, no grandfather, that's enough, I live this life and continue  to live, if these are the facts, I face them, but see, I feel the need to have people like you next to me to be happy, my grandmother in the first place. "I was about to collapse, but I didn't, I  I jumped up and went into the operating room, a nurse scolded me but I didn't care, I sat on the chair next to the bed, I hugged my grandmother and ordered her to make it, to survive, she was a strong woman, she overcame obstacles  of all and now he had to overcome his obstacle.  A nurse forced me out of my arm, while the nurse closed the door I watched the electrocardiogram, the line was flat, her heart was no longer beating.  I screamed, threw open the door and hugged my grandmother, she was gone, she hadn't made it and I realized at that moment that even I hadn't made it, the tears flowed from me alone, I couldn't do it,  I promised my grandmother, I felt like a monster, after what had happened to her, I didn't even keep my promise.  Grandfather Pavel picked me up, hugged me and I felt my back moist with tears.  We returned home, the next day we celebrated the funeral, only the three of us: Me, grandfather Pavel and my grandmother.  During the funeral I didn't shed a single tear, enough, I could not respect the promise only once, I thought the best, my grandmother is now in heaven with her grandfather.  The next day, when I woke up, I saw Grandfather Pavel looking at the sea, his eyes fixed on his grandmother, I approached.  "Petra clothes I have to take you to a place."  I got dressed and got into the car, after thirty minutes we stopped in front of a pretty little house where there was a sign "Benvenuti Bambini", I didn't know what he meant.  Grandpa Pavel told me before ringing the bell: "I want the best for you, you won't have a future with me, I can't offer it to you."  I went in, hugged him and said "Goodbye Grandfather." The young ladies of the family house were very kind and nice, every day they were getting married from all over Italy to take their new children.  My moment also came, I wanted to forget my past, I wanted to keep it in me and start a new life.  My new parents are Carmela and Antonio, they come from Sicily, I told my story only to them, they enrolled me in school, I didn't know how to speak Italian, so I had to go back to third grade, despite my  ten years.  Now it's been ten years since I've been here in Italy, I'm finishing high school soon, I'm going to the fifth high.  I have new friends, so nice, including my best friend: Dominique, the thing that made me laugh the most was her name, even my best friend Chomutov was called that.  Next year I will start university, I have already enrolled: Pediatric psychology.  This summer I will have a nice vacation, Dominique will accompany me, we will leave in July from Sicily to Trieste, I will go to visit my grandmother and I will take a nice bath in that wonderful beach.  From Trieste we will go to Ljubljana in Slovenia, to Salzburg in Austria, to Deggendorf in Germany, Prague and finally Chomutov.  I'm going to visit grandfather Pavel, he is very old now, a letter has arrived where it says that he is now in a nursing home, that fessacchiotto will be telling his mischief to all the old people in the house!  I'll go and see my mom, I'm sure the grandmother forgave her from up there.  And finally I will go to see Dominika, I used to go to his house very often, I know his address from memory, during this time we exchanged many letters and also the telephone number on these.  Maybe I'll also see my dad, I haven't seen him for fifteen years, the Trieste family home, he did everything he could to contact him and maybe they succeeded.  It will be one of the most beautiful journeys of my life, because I want to travel, I want to see the world and I want to know new people, hidden truths, hidden stories, hidden pasts, pasts that need to be told.  This is my story, the story of Petra.