letters to blake [#WATTYS2019]

three

Alex is bouncing his nephew up and down. He is crying for milk.

"Eve, wake up." Her sister is still asleep. And as much as he wants to let her rest, the baby won't stop crying. So, he did what he had to do.

He shakes Eve's body a little bit rougher now and slowly, Eve opens her eyes. For once in her life, she has a peaceful sleep. Her eyes meet Alex and then falls to blue blanket that covers a small figure under it.

She gulps.

Memories about how painful her labour come back to her as if it is a nightmare that she can't escape.

No, she says to herself. She must fight the thoughts. For herself.

"I'm sorry to wake you up, but I think he's hungry." Alex says.

"Feed him?" It comes out as a question and Alex stares her back with a confuse look.

Then he let out a chuckle, "Eve, if I had boobs, I would have fed him right away."

Duh, Eve. Of course.

"You want to hold him?" Alex sits on her bed and about to give the baby to her. But shockingly, Eve moves her body far from where Alex is. "Don't be like that, Eve. You haven't even seen him."

"I already did!" She snaps at Alex. Well, she never had a chance to see him actually. She just said that.

Truthfully, she is afraid that she will be attached to that little man when her first plan is to give him rightaway to his father. She is already a bad mother anyway.

"My god, Eve. He is crying. Can't you see it? You're his mother." This is the first time Alex raises his voice and Eve doesn't like it but she knows she deserved it.

"Just...find a bottle of milk out there and...and...feed him for pete's sakes Alex! Or find someone who wants to feed him willingly. Just leave me alone!" Alex stands up. He doesn't believe what is up with his sister. She is acting like a kid and he is very disappointed.

"You know what? I'll give you sometime to think about your action. For once, Eve, think about this nameless baby." Then, he leaves.

Eve hits her head to the pillow a couple of times. This isn't what she wants too. But deep inside, she is battling with her fears and everything she can't describe that blocking her way with that kid.

She really wants to let Alex know how the past nine months affect her. Mentally and physically. But it's hard to tell other people about how she feels. Like how lonely she was and up until now even though she knows there are people put there waiting, encouraging and supporting her. Back again, there are these feelings that she can't describe. Nobody will understand and will judge her no matter what. They don't know the sacrifices she made. The last thing Alex said to her tears her up.

Is it wrong to think about herself for a split of second?

Why does it backfiring her and as if it is her fault at the first place?

***

don't hate me. ik prolly some of u will not agree with eve. and i personally too. but i am thinking inside eve's mind. because i always watch teen pregnancy's stories and vlogs and read abt prolife or prochoice, i have this point of view where the mother is battling with her own demons. like the feel of being insecurity towards herself as a new mom or etc. and i want to remind u that eve is still a teenager where she is searching for her true self. so, i just want to raise awareness to u guys abt the indescribable feelings that many teen moms out there feel and how we should take the positive thing abt why she do this or that. because we don't know who she is and what she has been dealing with.
—just my thoughts ;

feel free to point out all the mistakes

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