One Step

What is love?

Shion POV)
I cried himself to sleep. It was a dreamless sleep. The first I could remember. I had felt Rat there rubbing my back. I wanted to talk to him, but the words wouldn’t come out.  My mother had rubbed my back like that when I was sick or upset. I woke staring at the wall, still curled into a ball on the purple comforter. If I had to guess, I hadn’t been asleep long.
  Rolling over I discovered I was in the room alone. It was a very sparse room. There was the bed that I was on. It sat under a window. I pulled the curtain back. I could just see my house two doors down on the other side of the street,
Turning back I surveyed the room.  In the corner was a pile of cardboard boxes with clothing spilling out. A rickety looking chair sat beside the bed. It was empty now. Looking down I saw it only had three and a half legs. I snorted how had he sat on that?
I heard the door click open. Screaming voice could be heard outside. The dark haired Rat backed into the room. He looked to be struggling to get inside with something. The  voice grew louder. They must be downstairs. When I looked out the window I discovered I was on the second floor.
“Oi go stuff it.” He yelled. He shut the door quietly. Turning into the room he looked at me. His eyebrows were drawn forward, his lips turned down. He looked mad at me. I scooted back on the bed to get away from that look.
His face softened into a more neutral look when he saw me looking back at him. “You’re awake. That’s good.” He said. A tray was clutched in one arm. He carried it over to the bed. Sitting down on it facing me. Placing the tray between us he pushed it towards me.
“I uh, I didn’t know what you like to eat.” He said. The tray had a bunch of desserts, doughnuts, Twinkies, little Debbie snacks, an apple, a banana, a bag of baby carrots. All piled up. There were also chips and cookies. Four cans of pop sat in the corners. Grape, orange, generic cola and ginger ale. I blinked at him. He looked so confused.
“Really you can have anything.” He said shoving it closer to me. I blinked.
“Th th thank you.” I stammered shocked at his kindness. I reached out to pick up the apple. He smirked.
“Why did I just know you didn’t eat junk food.” I smiled at him around the apple. He pulled a water bottle out of his hoodie pocket. He held it out to me. I took it from him.
“Thanks.” I said again he leaned back on his hands.
“You should talk more. You have a nice voice.” I swallowed the apple as I saw the blush creep up his cheeks. I felt my own face heat up. I looked down at the comforter.
“I haven’t talked much in months.” I whispered to the apple.
“Why?” He shifted on the bed. I pulled back into the corner, hiding against the window.
“Wow easy.” I looked up he had moved back to the chair, giving me space. “I won’t pry.” He looked down at his hands. “Honestly I know what its like not wanting to talk, to keep your secrets.” He stood pacing the room.
“What secrets do you have?” I flinched when he spun so fast I hardly saw him move. “Ssssorry, Forget I asked.” I stammered burying  myself behind the curtain, eating the apple. He surprised me with a soft chuckle,
“Hell it’s ok.” He sat back down on the bed. Sighing he ran a hand through his hair, pulling the holder out. It spilled around his face. He picked up a brush to get the tangles out. The holder was in his mouth. I watched him put it back up.
“It looked good down, why do you wear it up?” I asked. His mouth curved upwards as he shrugged.
“I guess so I don’t have to hear all the dumb comments.” He looked up at me. I could only stare. He had beautiful eyes.
“This is a small town.” He pointed out. I already knew that so I said nothing. We looked at each other for a bit. “I came here as a foster kid about six months ago, after my family was killed.”  He looked away. I saw his shoulder move slightly.
“My mom and best friend where murdered right before me.” I whispered. His head whipped back around. His mouth hung open eyes wide. I looked away.
The bed sagged as he moved toward me. He curled up against the wall on the other side of the window. He mirrored my position.  Touching my leg gently, He looked into my eyes.
“I’m sorry.” He said. “I wasn’t home when the fire broke out.” I couldn’t take my eyes from him. He was so sad, so vulnerable. I touched his hand with my own. So like me, wounded. He jerked his hand back pulling away back to the end of the bed. His back to me.
“I’m sorry.” I said. What had I done wrong? He snorted waving a hand behind him to brush me off.
“Let me finish before you say that again.” He said, Then we sat in silence for some time. Slowly he turned to me. One foot still on the floor. The other was bent before him on the bed. He looked at me.
“Those girls this morning, do you remember them?” he asked. Bobbing my head up and down I waited for him to say more. I was afraid I would say something wrong and he would stop talking to me.
“Do you know why they hate me?” he asked. At that I just shook my head. He jumped to his feet. Pacing the room I watched him. Whatever it was it was hard for him to say.
“No one in this hell hole likes me. Not even my foster parents. They only took me in for the money.” He looked over at me. “You should stay away from me.” He whispered, dropping his head. I don’t know what possessed me but I leapt from the bed. I went up to him retaking his hand.
“Why? Because some idiot girls think that?” I asked looking into those hidden eyes. He shook his head.
“The town thinks that.” He said. “You see Shion, I made the mistake of telling someone I trusted when I got here that I liked him. You know that way.” I looked at him confused. He sighed.
“Oi, Shion, I’m gay.” He blurted in a rush. I chuckled.
“Well that’s good.” I said smiling up at him. He blinked at me like a dumb bunny. I giggled. I couldn’t help it he looked so funny. His big eyes just blinking away at me. The giggles got worse I started laughing. I saw him begin to smile. Then I lost it completely. I fell back onto the bed laughing so hard it hurt my ribs. He chuckled.
Tears were streaming down my face yet I couldn’t stop laughing. I rolled on the bed holding my ribs. It was becoming hard to breathe. Then I heard it. It was like the wind. A soft breathy laugh. Gently it blew out of the boy. Through the haze of water in my eyes I looked at him. He was laughing softly. As I watched he too began to laugh harder. Soon we were both laughing hysterically on the bed. It took a long time for us to calm down. When we did we were facing each other. I reached out to take his hand. This time he didn’t pull away.
“Why did you saw it was good?” he asked his voice husky from laughing. My face began to heat up. I plucked at the blanket with my free hand letting our hands slide together. I shrugged.
“Oi, you are going to be my curse.” He whispered flipping over onto his back. He closed his eyes placing his arm over them. I jumped up.  Sitting on him I yanked his hand away as the breath left his lungs.
“Don’t hide your eyes. They are so beautiful.” I told him. He blinked up at me. My hand was on his chest, right above his heart. I felt it start beating harder.
“Oi, Shion.” He whispered. I stared down into those soft blue eyes. They reminded me of the ocean. I leaned forward, pressing my lips to his. I felt him respond. No I shouldn’t be doing this. He doesn’t know me. No one can know me. I cried shoving him back.
“I’m sorry. I have to go.” Leaping from the bed I ran out the door. Racing down the stairs I heard him cry my name. I ran as fast as I could. There was the sound of squealing breaks. I didn’t care. I ran until I got to the house. Then I ran inside to my room. I curled up on my bed, crying yet again. Why does every day have to hurt? I screamed until my voice broke. My throat raw from it. I screamed, cried and punched the bed. Yet I still couldn’t get the feel of him off of my lips. He was so soft, gentle. Now I had hurt him too just like everyone else in this town. He was going to hate me.
I heard them come home. I ignored any attempt at talking to them. She brought me a tray with supper on it. I kept  my back to the door as she set it in the usual spot.
“Shion?” she said. I didn’t answer. “The boy from next door is here. He wants to know if you are ok?” she paused. Rat. Rat was here checking up on me. Her hand touched my shoulder. No the fingers were to long for her hand.
“It’s ok, I got it from here.” Rat’s voice spoke just above my ear. The door clicked shut. Rat sat with his hand on my shoulder for a long time. He didn’t talk. Finally I felt him move. Something heavy was placed on the floor.
“It’s ok if you don’t want to talk.” He said. “I brought your back pack back over. If you want, I would like to walk you to school tomorrow.” He stood up. I couldn’t hear his foot steps, he was so light on his feet. He sighed as he reached the door.
“Look about the kiss. I won’t tell anyone. I like you. You at least didn’t run away screaming fag at me when I told you.” I heard the rustle of his clothes as he moved. “I just want to be your friend. I won’t push you for anything more. I promise.” Before I could roll over and ask him not to go, he was gone. I sat up looking at the door.
“I like you too Rat.” I laid back down. This time staring at the door willing it to open again with the dark haired blue eyed boy standing in it. I fell asleep wishing for him to return.