These Children That You Spit On

Periods 7-8

If I was still in love with Brian, I'm sure I would have been embarrassed about how long I was in the bathroom. I'm sure I would have blushed when he barged into the girls' bathroom. Well, sure, I felt my face get increasingly warmer as he entered the room, but that was just because it was already stiflingly hot in there. He reeked of pot. He was wearing Wayfarers and had his hands shoved in his khakis. "Hey, Fallon," he rasped. "You okay?" I refused to look at Brian as I shook my head.

"Are you mad at me," he went on. "Because I wasn't thinking really. When I lied about Claire."

"Clearly," I muttered. "Dick."

"What's your problem," Brian snapped. "You're not nearly as mad at Bender. I can tell."

I finally looked up and glared at him. "I thought you were better than that," I told him, clenching my jaw. Brian took off his sunglasses and glared right back at me. "Better than what," he asked angrily, balling his hands into fists. "You don't even know me."

"Well, it's not like you know me either," I pointed out haughtily. "You just think you do."

"Oh, I don't," he asked rhetorically. "Because I think I do."

"Tell me, then."

"You're scared. You practically live in that library. You hide from everyone else. You won't try anything if it's a risk. You've spent the past three years on the outside looking in. You definitely like someone, but you won't even talk to him. You would rather stay in your little box than actually trust anyone. And personally? It's pretty pathetic."

"At least I could talk if I wanted to," I snapped. "At least I'm not trapped in some bubble, like everyone else. I was sentenced to my status. I didn't choose it, like everyone else here."

"Oh, you think we chose how we are? You think, say, Bender woke up and said, 'You know what? I want everyone to treat me like a waste of space?' He's got problems, Fallon. Did you know your uncle beats him?"

"Well, duh," I spat. "I can hear it from next door. It's not he tries to get away from it. He never comes to us, or anything. He just stays there."

"Oh," Brian said sarcastically. "Of course. Because you guys would welcome him with open arms."

"Maybe we would," I pointed out. "It's not like we had the opportunity. And besides, maybe he didn't chose, but everyone else sure as hell did. I mean, Allison acts like a freak for a reason. She was an outcast, so she chose to have some fun with it."

"It's not exactly fun and games," Brian said. "Her parents barely know she's alive. She does what she can to get any kind of attention."

I physically hedged as he said that, pressing my head to the window. I didn't know. I just accepted what I wanted to believe. "Andy's dad wants him to be an athlete," Brian went on. "Down to every stereotypical aspect. He was the one who taped Lester's buns together, just to act like his dear old dad. Claire doesn't even like any of her friends. She just does what she's used to. Do you even know how things are for her at home?"

I shrugged, nervous. I never heard Brian this mad before. Then again, as he put it, I didn't know him. "Her parents yell a little," I said. "Big whoop."

"A little? God, Fallon, they're probably going to divorce. And they use her as a pawn."

My face flushed even more. I didn't know that was happening to Claire. I wouldn't know if Brian hadn't told me. I wouldn't know most of this stuff without him. "And do you wanna know why I'm in detention? Cause I brought a gun here."

My eyes widened. "Why," I asked.

"I was gonna shoot myself. Gotta a F in shop. And...I'd only get a B overall. It-it'd really upset my mom. And Maggie, my friend, she didn't take it well either. And I-I was on the fence. You know, in the end, I wasn't even gonna do it. But the gun went off in my locker. It was a flare. You-you know, everybody else got a real laugh out of that one. I couldn't even get a real gun, ya know?"

He smirked self-deprecatingly. "Guess it's a good thing I changed my mind, huh?"

I blinked in surprise. God, I didn't know anything. "I'm sorry," I muttered. "For being...brainwashed. Like everyone else."

Brian shrugged. "It's not the rest of us were much better off."

"At least everyone else tried," I pointed out. "I just hid."

"Well, you have some time," he noted. "Before it's all over. Do you want to...join us?"

I nodded and climbed down from the windowsill. Slowly but surely, I followed Brian back to the library. Back into the library, which had once been my safe zone, my shelter. But now it going to be something different. I was finally going to come out of hiding. As I came back in there, Bender started sarcastically clapping. In response, I blew him a kiss and curtsied, which actually got a smirk out of him. That was my first real victory. But more came. Brian put on a record, and we all danced. I danced with everyone, even Bender, who I had been afraid to even touch before. I watched Claire make Allison over, but I didn't intervene, because that was their moment. But when the day was over, and everyone's parents were arriving, and Brian was still writing that stupid essay from the beginning of the day, I did what I wanted. I gave him a slip of paper, on which I had noted my feelings throughout the whole day. I had underlined key phrases like "brainwashed" and some of Allison's nicknames. He barely acknowledged me other than a nod. But it didn't discourage me from one last motion. I briefly gave Brian a quick kiss. "Thanks," I said. "For finding me."

As he looked up, I grinned. "Don't flip," I commanded. "I'll be here. Monday morning. And not just for you like I was today. I'm going to try to be here for everyone. Not just the rest of the inmates. That's about five hundred students here. And they can't all be carbon copies. Everyone deserves a chance. And I'm finally ready to give to them."

He grinned and nodded as I walked away. And as I headed, I could feel it in the air: the change was coming.

A/N: so that was the extent of my original scenes so far! For movie scene requests, PM me. Also, PM me to let me know about who you want to see on Monday first and what other Shermer characters you might want to see here! Finally, check out some of my other works. I've got new stuff in store for the Shermer High crew, specifically Allison and some of the Sixteen Candles characters, as well as some of my OCs. So keep checking back for updates here, and to read The Rainbow Connection.