Had to write this for English, it was just sitting there, so I figured why not upload it.
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Dear Tyler,
This is the last time I write to you, and I hope you understand the pain this is causing me. Watching your body lie in that hospital bed for the last six months has been excruciating. The grey room is where I spend each waking minute of my day until the nurse comes and ushers me out at the end of visiting hours. Dr Trian whose skin has gotten paler with each failed attempt to awake you, informed me the other day that the limited brain activity that was picked up in the earlier scans has been rapidly decreasing since your accident. His eyes no longer contained that glimmer of hope and all that can be seen is a man who has missed too many hours of sleep over the begging of an inconsolable woman. I knew he had would have done everything in his power and I guess I knew that you would not wake up, but he helped me anyway.
I thought all the anger I had towards you was gone, if only you weren t so thrill seeking and adventurous, neither of us would be in this mess, but the minute he informed me that I had been named as your emergency contact and with no next of kin, all I saw was blind rage. I felt the heat flourish to the very tips of my ears. How you could even contemplate putting me through that after everything that happened in this very hospital so many years ago.
I apologize now for storming out of your room, but that rage lead me to place we had once visited, the place where I knew I could be free to think, a place where I knew you would be proud of me for going, and mainly a place were I was positive I would be able to feel your presence again. Our place. You remember, the cliff off the Adler plantation, were the edge met the raging sea.
I remember that day as if it was yesterday, mother had just passed away and Harry was drinking himself to an early grave. That was the day you asked me why I called my father Harry, trying to distract me as we ran straight from the funeral to these cliffs. You kept reminding me that all I needed was a bit of air and some fun. You promised you would always take care of me and never let me feel pain like that again.
I was too scared to jump and when you tried to push me, I remember hearing a piercing shriek containing such fear, that I was determined to find who it had escaped from and save them. It was your laughing that drew my attention to the floor. You were curled up in a ball rolling around, laughing so loudly, with such heart that your face had turned crimson from the lack of oxygen. Only once you pointed out that I was the one screaming like a girl did my face turn a colour that rivaled your own. You knew all along all I needed was the right trigger and I would be off. That was it. You had struck the right nerve. As I stripped off my black dress into the colourful undergarments I was wearing, you stopped laughing and stared at me with an intense curiosity trying to gauge whether I was really going to jump or not. I pulled off my shoes and you were only halfway up. Before you had time to reach me, I had already performed an amazing swan dive and was plunging slowly down to the water below.
It was just as you said in those few moments everything that was hurting me and clouding my thinking disappeared. I felt like I was flying. Moving so fast nothing could touch me. I knew you had jumped right after me but from the second my body hit that icy black water, I felt alone and scared. The waves were pounding on top of me, I was lost in the mix of black and white. Just like my mind everything was simple two colours no grey area, no room for uncertainty. The current was so strong, pulling me in every direction but up. The searing pain reverberated up my spine knocking my brain around my skull and reached all the way down to my toes. I had felt the slimy wall of the cliff, I was convinced it was a lost fight, too much for me to handle. That s when I stopped fighting and went under. I was in too much pain to move and suddenly I felt you warm familiar arms wrap around me and begin pulling me to safety.
I woke up cradled in your arms, feeling safer then I had ever felt in my life. You had tears streaking down your face and dried marks from previous ones. As you pulled me in and wrapped me in an embrace that warmed me,I knew I didn t need Harry, you would be enough. I only started to shiver as you placed me back on the green grass in the plantation.You pointed to where you were headed, told me to wait right here, to not move an inch and you would be back in a minute. I followed you with my eyes as you darted through the array of colourful flowers, breathing slowly as I felt the world crashing in on me again. I thought of my mother and how she had been so weak at the end, her brittle frame a contrast against the vibrant strong personality I remembered. I remembered the solemn faces of everyone at her funeral that morning as they gave their condolences to Harry and I. I remembered how I had cried myself to sleep, while you held me tightly in your arms and promised that you would always be here with me.
That s two promises you have broken by lying in that bed.
I remember you disappeared as the tears clouded my vision, I saw you was nearing the rows of the flowering fruits, feeling myself beginning to shake and as my head fell the sobs began to overwhelm me. Before I knew it you were back by my side scooping me up, stroking me back and telling me to breathe, that you were still here, that eventually the crying would stop and overtime the pain would become just a small dull ache that only occurred when I thought of her, that I would remember the good memories of her, not just the images flooding my mind of a women who couldn t even lift her arms to hug me. As my cries subsided, I finally noticed the brown woven basket at your side filled with strawberries so red that and plump that there was no question as to how freshly ripe and picked they were. You insisted that Mr Adler would never know, he still doesn t trust me. You had picked only the strawberries that resembled little hearts. You promised it was a symbol that my heart would be whole like that eventually. It always amazed me how you were so insightful at such a young age.
You carried me all the way home that day and I swore on our friendship that I would not tell Harry about jumping off the cliff and hitting my back today. We both knew he would never forgive you and forbid me from seeing you. You were my best friend, you knew me the way Harry never did, and I knew I would never give that up.
I ve begged you to wake up in many of my previous letters, and as I read them to you, I never gave up I hoped with such determination that you would wake and as long as Dr Trian had the sparkle in his eye I knew I would not give up. It took me a visit to our place, to realise that Dr Trian was right. You aren t going to wake up. I knew I needed to feel connected to you one last time, so as I stood their looking over the cliff many of the thoughts that should have gone through my mind didn t. I should have been concerned about my old and frail body not being able to withstand the same force that had acted upon it those many years ago, I should have considered the fact that you would not be there to pull me out if I hit myself, I should have known the risk of no one knowing I was out there. All that went through my mind was that Tyler was going to be so proud of me.
I stripped down just as I had done that frightful day, the sapphire water was not the same black it had been then. It was the colour I imagined when you described the caldera in Santorini. It looked inviting, reassuring peaceful. Gone were monstrous waves ready to throw my delicate body against the rocks. I leaped off the edge soaring once again. I could sense you falling next to me. I knew at once what you needed me to do, and as the same cold water engulfed me as it had the first time, I knew what I had to do.
It is unfair and selfish of me to expect you to live with a machine breathing for you, I know the rose colouring of your cheeks is an illusion and I do not want you to suffer. I know your gone. Before you leave me, I want you to know what I am going to do. You always took care of me and I attempted to do as much for you as I could over these past six months. I am going to let you go tomorrow and I will spread your ashes over our place, and let the sea allow you to relive the journey s and adventures you experienced while you were with me. I will love you forever, I will never forget you. You will always be my best friend. My Tyler.
Love
Catherine.
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Any thoughts or opinions on how I could improve it for next time would be great.
Thanks Gaby
