I let go of the pen and closed the sketch book and continued to wipe my tears, I'm hurting and I don't even know how to stop this pain. Stupid dramatic Ana, can't even decide what to do with her life.
Looking up and through my bloodshot eyes, I inspected the progress of my workers to distract me from my gloomy thoughts. Only to realize how everyday I would look around the construction site overlooking the views the mountain provides me and talking to the girl I love.
No, she's not a girl, she's a strong woman who even after all she's been through, never gave up on love and is still willing to fight for the love she felt for me.
I shed another tear scolding myself.
'Why the hell did I even consider letting her go?' I asked slapping my forehead, I'm so stupid to even think about it.
I shook my head at the realization of how fool I became, while she was there wondering when I'll be back and if ever I will be back. I'm here moping around giving up the best thing that has yet to happen in my twenty six years of living.
The day passed with me fighting all the urges to contact her, knowing how fool I am at keeping a conversation, I decided to do what I do best. I wrote, not a letter but the secrets I've been keeping in the hopes of having any reaction from her, good or bad, I know when she responds, I will ask her to stay. And I will do everything just so I can keep her, I'll prove to her everyday how much I love her and treat her with the respect she deserves.
As my gay brother told me today when I drove him to the bus stop.
"If you can't feel it any longer, then run as fast as you can."
And I still feel it, it's here letting itself known, and so I'm gonna stay, I'm going to keep falling, for no one falls out of love, they can only stop. And I know I won't.
Forgive me for being weak for a day, and believe me when I say, that I will be strong from now on.
--
"Who are you talking to Ana?" asked my sister when I borrowed her phone to call my love when I ran out of load balance.
I looked to her and to our older sister and to our youngest brother. It's only us at the moment for the others aren't here. There's eight of us, I have four older sisters and three younger brothers where one of them is with me in the rainbow. Our Father passed away a year ago and our Mother is staying with our Grandpa. I smiled knowing that today I will see my love and bring her to my Father's grave, and then to my Mother, and then to my siblings. Reading their anticipation, I shrugged and answered them in a playful way.
"I'm talking to my love. You'll see this person soon." I answered walking past them, I don't need to see their faces to see their reactions. Because one thing we always say to each other is...
"No matter how terrible it is, you must tell your family first, for they will accept you no matter what. If they didn't, then they are not your family."
It may be a long shot before I tell them about my first two secrets, but the third is the one I can longer hide.
I am inlove, and nothing can stop me there.
-Ana.
