Spontaneous Feelings

Social Anxiety, Do I have a purpose in life?

I'm not sure why I'm typing this, but I just grabbed my computer and started typing. I not sure if I will post this anywhere but If I do, your welcome. 

Recently I've been thinking about what my purpose in life is. Not sure why, but I have. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy, but I'm also confused. Somehow all my friends have managed to go from quiet and staying out the way to easily making new friends and going places and having fun. Meanwhile, I'm still here with bad social anxiety and can barely ask another student in gym to partner up with me for an activity. 

For someone who either has lots of energy and bouncing off the walls or falling asleep the minute they home from school, Social situations, including family gatherings, stress me out and make me want to panic for no reason. How do I graduate and move on in the world when I can't even ask a family member a simple question when my friends can do it with no effort? Idk, I like being the mom of my friend group, but in social situations I sit there quietly, not having any fun, waiting till I can go home. 

Am I lonely? Maybe. Do I like it? Yes and no. I like having my own space and doing what I want at the moment without anyone bothering me, but I also wish I could go out and release my hyper energy with friends and family without my brain telling me "you can't do this" and panic. I don't know, I'm happy, I am happy with the way I am, but it feels like my anxiety is preventing me from having new experiences and making new friends. 

I know this isn't normal and that I should probably get help, go to a therapist, etc., but for some reason, I can't get myself to. Which comes back to the question, what is my purpose in life? I can't say a simple "hi" to a stranger, how am I going to do when I go into my dream profession, what am I going to do in an emergency? I know I do, but I feel like I don't have a purpose. I just don't know what it is yet. 

If for some reason I publish this on Tumblr or Wattpad, thanks for reading my existential crises! 

(Also give me tips, I could use them -x)