I Got Issues

o n e

Panic disorder is a type of anxiety disorder. It causes panic attacks, which are sudden feelings of terror when there is no real danger. You may feel as if you are losing control. You may also have physical symptoms.

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I remember the first time I had a panic attack. I was around 9 years old and was practicing to perform my prayer in Church. I went to a Christian school and had been the 'angel' of it ever since I first attended. My friends and I were in the main office room with a teacher, who helped us keep the order. The speech rolled off of my tongue like air would leave your lungs, I felt rather happy. My accomplishment was recognised by the teacher who instantly clapped, praised me and later sent us on our way back to lesson.

Everything was fine. I stood silently at my classroom's door and suddenly felt sick, with a lightheadedness appearing in my mind. A pain stretched itself across my chest and down to my knees which started to shake. I wasn't familiar with such a feeling and I started to breathe heavier. My body would shake and shutter, the pain and sickness growing until eventually I collapsed into a locker, clutching my chest. Sobs climbed out of my mouth and I felt scared. There was nothing to fear but that itself scared me.

As my friends and teachers gathered around me desperately trying to calm me, the sensations lingered. It was as if the devil himself was sat on my shoulder, clawing at my young casket. The hyperventalation grew in speeds and my gasps for air with it. It was so foreign to me. There was no trigger, no beginning to this yet it came from nothing.

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That was my first ever experience having a panic attack and since then, they've become a regular occurrence in my life. I'm not sure how it started but from that one spark, thousands of fires were lit.

Also, these chapters will be short as my memory isn't that great. The next chapter will be from my teachers point of view. It's a different teacher to the one in the office so he had no idea what was happening.