//all you had to do was stay//

Chapter 1

Five years later

Taylor looked up at the sky, it was a beautiful night. The moon glowed and the stars twinkled with mischief. She sat alone out on the front porch with nothing but her thoughts to keep her company. It was a rare occasion, but she truly welcomed it. She was usually out tending to the kids, rehearsing, spending time with Brenton, recording, somehow always keeping herself busy.

Isn't that what everyone wanted out of her?

Everyone walked on egg shells around her afraid that one distraction and she'd spiraling out of control again. Vegetable. Crazy. Unstable.

She'd heard it all before; but she paid no mind to it. She spent years battling her owns demons to care what anyone thought of her. She spent practically her entire life under the harsh media scrutiny following and criticizing her every move. Break ups, make ups, fights, weddings, kids, divorce, rehab, every detail of her life was splattered across magazine articles. Every single mistake was broadcasted for the world to see.

She'd like to think she was in a better place in her life right now, but that would be a lie. It was like Groundhog Day. Everyday. The same routines, day in and day out, the joy of life evaporating with every shrill of an alarm clock and a schedule already planned out. She wrapped the sweater around herself tighter as the wind gently blew across the night sky. Her red lips curved upward into a tiny smile as she momentarily fantasized about being like the stars. No schedules, no rules, no expectations.

Free.

"Penny for your thoughts, Tay?" Austin Swift asked as he leaned against the porch.

Taylor looked back at her little brother. No, he wasn't so little anymore. Austin wasn't the cute little boy who played with toys and listened to 'N Sync anymore. He'd grown up to become a be a handsome man, father and soon to be husband.

"I still can't believe you're getting married. " Taylor replied with awe in her voice. She was extremely happy for her brother, but a part of her couldn't help but feel a little resentment that her happily ever after didn't exist anymore.

Austin sighed as he sat beside his sister and rested his head against her shoulder. He didnt doubt his sisters sincerity but he couldn't help but feel sorry for her. There was always a sadness in her blue eyes no matter how much her smile dazzled or how much her laugh echoed across any room.

"Is this the life you pictured for yourself?"Austin asked in a soft tone.

Taylor sighed.

Of course it wasn't.

"What do you think?" Taylor replied as the lump in her throat rose. She never let her guard down, never allowed herself to answer the questions out loud. But tonight, she allowed herself to think about those thoughts she promised herself she'd lock up.

"When I was your age I envisioned barbecues and pool parties with my friends and family as my children played across the backyard. I envisioned my husband smiling over at me with love dancing in his eyes - ". Taylor responded as tears pooled in her eyes and the lump continued to grow.

"I imagined him glancing over at me ever so often as I continued to laugh at something our friends would say. He'd walk over to me, wrap his arms around my waist as he gently rubbed circled around my pregnant stomach and whisper in my ear how much he loved me." Taylor choked back a sob as the tears rolled down her cheeks. The images played across in her mind as she closed her eyes and allowed herself to live in the fantasy, at least just for a little bit.

"That was all I ever wanted, you know". She responded after a period of silence.

"I didn't need the fame, money , or cars. I just wanted a family I could come home to everyday."