Yearning - Reddie

One

Going back, he realized he's always been this way. The banter, the teasing, he never gave them more than a second thought; unconsciously deciding to blame it on his boisterous, playful and easy going attitude he always maintained. Pushing his emotions aside and cracking a joke, he learned at some point, are much easier (and probably safer) than divulging his secrets.

By the time it turned into something closer to yearning - or maybe it was there all the time but he was too insistent on ignoring it - he couldn't convince himself that it wasn't real anymore. He was so adamant in the way he told himself it wasn't true, that every time he had thought of it or felt it deep in his stomach he hurried to flat out deny its existence.

The day he felt like he couldn't escape it anymore, he unhappily sat down and addressed everything that was going on in his heart. When he had come to recognize his feelings and stopped running away from them, finally allowing a deeper meaning to things he felt rather than thinking as little of them as possible, the revelation left him breathless and raw.

He couldn't pinpoint where it had all started. Maybe it was the way his big brown eyes twinkle and his face reddens at him when he tells a joke; maybe it was the way his lashes flutter and his eyebrows furrow when he's confused; maybe it was how his eyes crinkle when he smiles - oh, that smile. Once he saw Eddie Kaspbrak's shy grin and felt his stomach fill with butterflies, he just knew there was no way back.

Richie Tozier wasn't naive. He knew how people in his town felt about people like him, and he couldn't forget even if he tried. There were more than enough cruel graffities in his school, carved on the kissing bridge, in the public library and pretty much everywhere as a daily reminder.

But no matter what he did, he couldn't get the brown haired boy out of his head. Richie thought, at first, that he'll eventually get over it - he'll return to his normal self soon enough, get his shit together and deny ever having those feelings towards Eddie in the first place. But as time went by, he realized those feelings weren't going away. Matter of fact, they were growing stronger every day, and he had no idea how to stop them.

The fact that Eddie was his best friend didn't really help, either. He hung with him and their group of friends pretty much all the time, and unsurprisingly, being around Eddie so much didn't quite help with making his stupid crush go away.

These thoughts chased Richie wherever he went. He just couldn't help it - he used to make fun of people who were so utterly in love that they could barely function without the target of their affection, but now he's become one of them. Worse. 

He was strolling through the crowded school hall on his way to collect his books for his fourth period, history, when he heard a voice call out: "Hey, T-Trashmouth!"

Richie already knew who it was that shouted his nickname down the hall. He recognized Bill's voice without even turning around, and he caught up to him soon enough, his hand on Richie's shoulder and his hair falling over his eyes as he turned to face him. "Hey, R-Richie. You c-coming to t-the meet up t-today? E-Everyone's gonna b-be there."

"You bet, Big Bill." He gave him a half smile and Bill nodded at him. "G-Great, see you t-then," and they both rushed off to their lockers.

Richie loved hanging around with his friends, he really did, but he felt something in his stomach sink a little at the thought of seeing Eddie. It's becoming harder to act normal around him lately, and he didn't know for how long he could keep up his usual friendly banter around him. He couldn't bare the thought of him finding out, yet didn't know how much longer he could keep it inside.

He put in his locker combination and opened it swiftly, grabbing his things and heading to his class, Eddie still clouding his thoughts.