The Road to Forgiveness

Shattered Ice

This starts at episode 31 where Can tells Sanem he's leaving. 

--

"I'm leaving, Sanem. I've decided to accept Polen's offer."

Sanem froze, the realization freezing her battered heart to protect her from the pain of his cruel indifference.

As tears slowly streamed down her face, she turned to look at him, refusing to erase the evidence of her heartache and treat it with the same irrelevance that he did.

"Really? Why, might I ask? I've already decided to leave the agency. Even if I had stayed, you and Polen have no problem carrying on there, in front of me. So why?"

Can was slightly taken aback at her question and felt a tinge of shame at her observation about his behavior with Polen. But he remembered that she had turned his heart into a slab of wood with her lies and he hadn't forgiven her yet.

"Sanem, there is nothing left for me here. I have no reason to stay. After what you did, there's no point."

Sanem slowly nodded her head as a tear managed to escape her swollen, aching orbs that were normally filled with glee and life.

"After what I did. Ah yes, how could you ever forgive me for giving up what was so dear to me, so special to me, to save your life?"

Can's face grew red with anger as he retorted back, "It was special to me too, Sanem. Special to us! And you lied to me! I told you not to give it to Fabri and you did anyway."

Sanem felt his words deliberately beating at her icy heart and she exploded.

"Yes, I did. And I would do it again. That perfume was special to me. It was my grandmother's recipe! And I know that it was special to us. To our love. But I sacrificed it so that I wouldn't lose you, so that you wouldn't go to prison. Every perfume leaves a unique mark on each different person. No two people will have the same scent from the same perfume. I can live with another woman using my perfume because I know she won't have the same scent as me. But I couldn't live without you. I can always make more perfume. But I can't make more of you. So yes, I gave my perfume to Fabri and I would do it again, a thousand times, if it meant that I could spend one more day with you."

Can's facial expression softened and for a brief moment, Sanem thought she saw love in his eyes. But he held on to his stubbornness when he reminded her that she didn't tell him about it after he got out of jail. He had to find out from someone else.

In her increasing exasperation, Sanem responded, "What would you have done if I had told you? Would you have listened? Do you honestly think I should have been carefree and just tell you, trusting you not to leave me? Turn your back on me?"

When Can failed to respond, Sanem continued, "Well, I see that you won't be changing your mind. You say that your mother ran away, that she abandoned you. But you do the same thing. What's worse, you don't even have the courage to stay and fight. At the first sign of trouble, you run. And you don't even care about what you're leaving behind. But that's okay. I don't want to be with someone whose heart wavers easily, who will abandon me at the first problem. So go. Go with Polen. Since you prefer easy, she's exactly what you need. If you ever return to Istanbul, don't try and find me."

Sanem turned to leave as a tear slipped down Can's face from his forlorn eyes. But as a thought came to her, she turned around and he saw her search for something in her purse. She located the small glass vial and walked over to him with a purposeful gait and her head held high. When she reached him, she could hear his heavy breathing and the rise and fall of his chest mirrored her own. She took his open hand and placed the vial in it, closing his hand over it.

"Here's a fresh batch of my perfume. Give it to Polen. Since it's the only piece of our love that you can't live without, she can wear it for you."

Can closed his eyes, feeling another tear escape and make its way down his warming face. He opened his eyes and tried to swallow the knot that was forming in his throat.

"Sanem, --"

"Goodbye, Can."

With that, she turned around and left towards the glass doors, splintering his wooden heart with each step she took away from him.

Sanem waited until she was out of the building before she stumbled onto a park bench and broke down into tears, her icy heart shattering into a million pieces.