By August

Chapter 1

"So who wants to talk about murder?"

Nobody at the table says anything. That's understandable. My dog, Pluto, is saving his strength and cannot talk. My dad tends to ignore things I say when he doesn't like what I say. Because then he can pretend none of it ever happened. That's valid. We'd all like to pretend it didn't happen. But that doesn't change the way things are.

"Do you——do you----do you do these things 'cause you want to go back to your mom?" My dad asks, taking a deep breath and looking at the ceiling.

"No, I'm good here," I frown, "I'm busy."

"It's just for the summer, you'll ——you'll go back and be with your mom——she says you don't do these things for her?" he says, heavily, pushing his food around on his plate. I hate that. I hate it when food mixes.

"One, she doesn't pay that much attention, because it's easier for her——Two, I can't actively work on the case in New York," I say, looking back down at my notebook. I'm not actually writing in it. More fiddling and drawing circles because it's hard to focus here at breakfast.

"We all miss your sister, Elton, but this isn't gonna bring her back," he says, very heavily.

"What if it does?" I ask, staring down at my notebook.

"Do you still see her?"

"Are you gonna take me back to the doctor if I say yes?"

"No."

"Only at night."

"Which is like before."

"Yeah."

"Okay um——I know that's bad. But the police——the actual police are trying to figure out who would do that but——there's only so much——"

"There's more I can do. It wasn't just a hit and run. She's trying to tell me something," I say, staring down at my hands. There are scabs on my knuckles. I resist picking at one because he'd just tell me to stop.

"I think that thinking that—is your way of not noticing that she's not here anymore—like if you admitted that it's over and even catching whoever did it—would not bring her back——then you'd have to admit she's really gone and I know that's hard——"

"You sound like one of the doctors!"

"Good I've spent enough damn time and money with them—"

"Don't you care about why she died??" I cry upset.

"Yes and I also care about why you're alive and Elton I know I'm losing you too," he says, not even getting up as I push away from the table.

"You're not losing me. And I will find out who did it," I say, putting my camera around my neck.

"Elton just———just read your comic books and watch TV and——" he follows me to the stairs as I run up to my room. "And be a kid okay? You're going to high school next year and——"

"No, I'm not, mom is keeping me back a grade!" I yell through the door, which I've locked. I go over to my bed to get dressed for the day. Day 1 of summer vacation. I don't have a single one to waste.

"We're gonna talk about that—because you know——you know what why don't we get your hair cut tonight, maybe get you some new clothes, talk about this----" he says, leaning against the door.

"I'll be busy and you'll be drinking," I say, frowning. This does not sound like a solid plan.

"I don't have to drink."

"Historical evidence has shown that you do."

"You're a trip kid—oh my god——come on let's just, take in a movie, hang out. Have fun. We don't do that."