Nicotine | bxb [ON HOLD]

11

Byron's POV

I liked Christmas. I really did. I was kind of just hoping for a Christmas with just us. Like my parents, me and Dora. Not a Christmas with ten to fifteen other people, some of whom I barely knew.

I don't think my mom wanted any of them here. It's been Dora's hardest month, a hard month for all of us, and I knew she wasn't up for hosting a bunch of people we barely ever saw. I think our relatives pressured her into doing it.

Dinner was loud and awkward. Everyone wanted to have their say and ask their indelicate questions about the girl they really didn't care about. No one who came really knew Dora. Most of them were relatives we hadn't seen in years. Maybe they cared, I'm not sure, but they didn't care enough to avoid talking about how bad her condition was right in front of her.

I felt my hands clenching at my sides as my uncle, I hadn't seen in five years, asked about her chemotherapy. Dora's eyes lowered to her plate, and my mom's filled with tears. I touched Dora's knee under the table, and she glanced over at me, her eyes tired and watery. She excused herself long before the meal was over, and I followed soon after, ignoring one of my aunts comments about "what a fine boy he is" and "has he found a nice girl?".

I found Isadora curled up on the couch, near the fire. The lights from the Christmas tree reflected in her sallow face, the hood of her sweater, that she has kept firmly on all night, had slipped back, and she was already fast asleep. She slept a lot more often than any of us were used to.

I sat on the floor in front of her, my side facing the fire. Pulling my knees up to my chest, I stared at her sleeping face. Her face was peaceful, and calm, maybe a little too calm. It was frightening how pale and quiet she looked, even in the warm light of the fire. I wanted to shake her, just to be sure that she was still with me, but it wasn't fair to disturb her.

How much longer did I have with her anyways? I didn't dare ask a question like that to my parents. They wouldn't be able to handle saying the answer. I knew it couldn't be very long. I could tell by their faces after each appointment. I wanted to make them tell me, to argue that I wasn't a child anymore, but...I didn't know if I could handle the truth. All my training to be a grief counselor was great for other people's grief, but what about my own?

I wanted someone to talk to all of this about. Someone who wasn't attached and who would let me voice my fears, without having any of their own. I wanted to talk to Rune. Rune was the only person I could think of who I would want to talk to. I had a few friends who I used to be close with before we moved, but to call them up and tell them that I thought my sister was dying, just didn't feel right.

Now that my mind was on Rune, it wouldn't let me think of anything else. He fascinated me, and I couldn't put a finger on why. Yes, he was beautiful, that was beyond any doubt, but I didn't think that was it. He wasn't...he wasn't exactly the nicest person, as far as personalities went, and he came off as very cold and distant at times, but for some reason, that had never really bothered me.

I think he is unhappy. Very unhappy. With his relationship, his family, and probably where he is in life as well. He seemed aimless most of the time, but I knew he must have had purpose to his walk at one point in his life. Maybe it was so long ago that he had forgotten the feeling. He acted like he didn't care if he never made more than minimum wage, and kept on smoking until he killed himself, but I knew deep down, he had to want more.

Or maybe life had broken him down to the point of not caring anymore. Not caring if he was in a dead end of a relationship, and not caring if he wasted his life away. But I wanted so much more for him. I wanted him to stop smoking so that he'd be healthy, and stop ruining his lungs. I wanted him to wake up so that he'd notices that he wasn't being loved. I wanted him to see that I could be the one to love him, better than his boyfriend could.

Couldn't he tell that I liked him? I think sometimes that he could. And sometimes, he'd even act like he liked me a little. I could swear that he's flirted with me a few times, and I'm not blind, I've caught him staring at me quite a few times. Why couldn't he just come out and say it? Of course, I wouldn't want to have anything to do with him until he broke up with his boyfriend, but still...

I felt mean for wanting him to go through a breakup, but honestly, he looked miserable most of the time, so I couldn't be that amazing, right? Or maybe I was just imagining that he was miserable so I could feel better about wanting him to leave his boyfriend. I didn't want to be a home wrecker, I just really wanted Rune to like me.

Dinner was almost over, and I didn't want the guests to wake Dora up, so I decided to move her to her room before rejoining the group. Everyone overstayed their welcome, and it was very late by the time I pulled my exhausted body into my bed. I hadn't even done any work today, but trying to make conversation for hours was more exhausting than work.

I was almost asleep when I got a text. No one ever texted me, so I quickly grabbed my phone to see who it was. It was Rune. We had shared numbers a few weeks ago (as friends) but hadn't texted since then. It's not like we really had much to text about.

Rune: hey

Hi! Not to be rude, but like why are you texting me rn? It's almost midnight

Maybe midnight wasn't late for him, but it definitely was for me.

Rune: Sorry! Is this too late to text? Just wanted to say Merry Christmas before it's too late

I felt myself smiling at his almost instant reply.

Nope, it's not too late at all! Liar. Merry Christmas!

Rune: oh good! Merry Christmas again. I hope yours was merry and bright and all that shit people sing about

I wouldn't exactly call it that, but thanks lol. How was your Christmas?

I remembered him being nervous about spending it with his boyfriend's family.

Rune: It was shit, and I'm bored as fuck rn

I raised my eyebrows at his answer, angry at myself for feeling just a little too happy that things didn't work out. I was sitting up in my bed now, all thoughts of sleep forgotten.

Sorry about that. Don't you have a boyfriend?

Rune: ...yeah? Why?

Now that I thought about me question, it did sound kind of odd.

I just was wondering cuz you said you were bored. You know what, idek what I'm saying 😂

Rune: are you suggesting that I do something with him to relieve my boredom? Because I somehow don't think that's what you want

I felt my cheeks burn at his choice of words, and at his boldness. Did he...could he know how much I liked him?

Rune: besides, I'm not with him rn. But if you're not doing anything...

I set my phone down quickly, a whole range of emotions accompanying reading that text. Taking a deep breath, I tried to think of how to answer his text. He seriously wasn't supposed to act like this when he had a boyfriend. Maybe I was just reading too much into his text?

After minutes of searching for an answer, I decided to end our conversation, and give me time to think about his text.

Goodnight, Rune