I kick my rucksack under my bed and flop down. I slowly exhale. It's been a longggg day. Seeing that my phone is on one bloody percent, I shove the charger in aggressively and turn the TV on. Flicking through channels, I come across one called the Daily Bugle. Drowning in boredom, I leave it on and settle back against my pillows. My eyelids are slowly closing their curtains when I see something that makes me sit bolt upright.
BREAKING NEWS
"Spider-Man messes with yet another police case by stopping a near freak car accident with his own hands. The menacing web-slinger appears to have sustained some injury as he is seen limping away from the scene. An average civilian, who is an eye-witness, claims to have caught something strange emerging from the car a few minutes after the incident. We have him here with us now. Abraham, can you tell us exactly what happened?"
A black dude I recognise from school just this morning is handed a mic.
"Yes. Well, first of all, I saw this car come flying down the road, and then boom! Pow! Spider-Man swooped in and saved our butts."
I start laughing out loud at the look on the presenter's face.
"R-right, and Abraham, you said you had some footage, didn't you?"
"Yeah, caught it on camera."
"What else would you've caught it on, mate?!" I ask, waving my arms around.
But the following video makes me go completely silent.
It's rough quality, and everything looks fine, at first. But a few seconds in I see a weird, sticky black goo sort of crawl out the battered door and slip into a gutter on Abraham's side of the street. I switch the TV off and sit there for a solid five seconds.
Then I explode.
"What the fuck?! This can't be real, stupid news."
Then this little bitchy thought sneaks into my brain:
The news never lies.
I remember hearing something about a "friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man", but I'd never actually seen him. It was rumoured that he was the newest addition to the Avengers a while back, but this shows differently. I silently hope he's alright, because, judging by the footage, he's badly hurt.
Whatever, it's not a big deal anyway. Mom said we're staying here permanently, but we'll be gone by the time there's an alien invasion, right? Something in the pit of my stomach tells me I'm not so sure.
My train of thought is most rudely interrupted by a strange occurrence. A loud click emits from my phone. Then, like the Monsters Inc ear-rape, it explodes with notification tones.
PINGPINGPINGPINGPINGPINGPINGPINGPINGPINGPINGPINGPINGPINGPINGPINGPINGPING
"AAAAAAA STAHHHHHPPPP!!" I screech, lunging for it. Flipping the case open, the first thing my eyes fall on is the name "Harrington's Childewren". What the actual hell. I tap on the top notification and I'm instantly in a group chat with what appears to be the whole school. I search through a bit to see who added me, and see it was Peter. I feel sort of flattered, but I don't know why.
OK, of course I know why. He's like the cutest guy ever.
I then start reading the chat, which seems quite furious:
Flash⚡️Bash: Dude, ur such a loser!!!!1 anchovies is bae
Penis Parker: U retard, it's obviously pepperoni
Getty Betty: Gyys ur creating hate in an environment that's meant for joy and luv
Flash⚡️Bash: I don't fukking care!!
The Mad-Hatter: Yeh dudes, spread the luv
Penis Parker: Eww, Ned, since when did u become such a hippi
Lizzle Shizzle: Yu make me sick
13: where's abe??
Finally, I take it upon myself to contribute to the conversation.
He was on the news, Jason. I just watched it.
Nobody types for a few seconds.
Flash⚡️Bash: Who is this new chiald
Penis Parker: this is mj, I added her
Lizzle Shizzle: ewwww whyy she's the newbie
Penis Parker: cuz this group chat is meant for every student, rite?
The Mad-Hatter: amen to that bro
Strawberry Crush is online
Strawberry Crush: sorry I'm late dudes! ✌🏼
Penis Parker: how dar u b late!?!?
Strawberry Crush: I'm srry ok! Tons of homework 😴
Someone's an emoji fan. 🤔
Strawberry Crush: i sure am! 🤯🤯🤯 how's u guess
I have my ways. 😏
Flash⚡️Bash: smooth
Penis Parker: stop hitting on the new girl u hoe
Flash⚡️Bash: I'm not I hv a gf dickwad
13: HAH lies
There's a disturbing amount of profanity in this group.
Lizzle Shizzle: U kno wats more disturbing
What?
Lizzle Shizzle: u using real grammar
Ummm...ok den how abt dis Lolzapalooza
Penis Parker: roasted
Unicorn76 is online
Flash⚡️Bash: o here we go
Penis Parker: shugunda
Oooh my favourite curry.
Unicorn76: Hello children. I hope I don't detect foul-mouthedness in my presence?
There's no replies for a couple of seconds. I'm guessing everyone's deleting their messages like naughty five-year-olds hiding stolen candy wrappers.
Penis Parker: does anybody wanna go to delmars tmrws? Me and Tracy r going alrdy
Strawberry Crush: wat about mj? 🧐
Penis Parker: Mj????
Oh, um, sure. What time?
Penis Parker: not sur I shud say it in here. Wudnt want any unexpected guests
The Mad-Hatter: COUGH flash COUGH
Flash⚡️Bash: dun bother. Idc abt ur stupid double dates
What?
Lizzle Shizzle: Yeh, where u and Tracy go out and Ned dates his hamburger lolz
Penis Parker: whatever. 12 o clock then. See u guys ther
Thanks. I'd better be going now, low charge. G'night.
Penis Parker: gn
Strawberry Crush: gouda nighta Edam 🧀🌑
Don't forget to smile! :)
I switch off my phone and place it on the bedside cabinet. I feel a bit lighter now I've spoken to my classmates. They don't seem so bad. But now is the time for sleep. Because all I know is, I'm hella tired.
-
Thanks for reading! So, this chapter is in need of an Easter Egg breakdown so it's fully understandable for every reader.
1. Abraham's story on the news is a throwback to similar events in Homecoming when he's talking about the Washington Monument.
2. "The news never lies" is a quote from FFH.
3. Peter's nickname in the group chat is also a throwback to Homecoming, when Flash calls him "Penis Parker".
4. Betty's nickname is earnt due to the fact that in the FFH news opening the image of a candle is branded with the Getty images watermark.
5. Ned's nickname is due to his hat giving him "confidence" and his hat collection, which it talks about in the FFH app Voicemail and Text features.
6. Jason (Ionello)'s nickname is "13" because of Friday The 13th, in which the antagonist's name is Jason.
7. Flash calling Peter a dickwad is an FFH reference.
8. "Foul mouthedness in my presence" is a Harry Potter Puppet Pals quote.
9. "Don't forget to smile! :)" was Zendaya's original slogan on her first days of YouTube.
Don't forget to vote!
- Marvel. 🤡
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67% Sure - A Marvel AU
Fanfiction"Isn't that Michelle Jones?" "Yeah, I think it is." "The one from the news." "Poor kid." - Life's been pretty hard ever since your dad was imprisoned. Always cameras up in your face, people pointing at you across the street. It gets kind of annoying...
