Saving Scott

9: An Itemized List Part 1

An itemized list of things that happened while Lakyn and I definitely were not dating:

Lakyn hung out with me a lot, regardless of what I was doing, he never seemed to mind being drug along as long as his participation wasn't a requirement. He liked Matt though, which meant he was almost always down to hang around somewhere and smoke a little pot.

Juliet James, Lakyn's older cousin and apparently his kryptonite, was a fuck up of epic porportions. I only knew her because we were in the same grade, but we didn't run with the same people. Mostly because Juliet's crowd involved a lot of drugs and messing stuff up.

It was after a party one night, after she caused a scene, that Lakyn and I really talked. I had only ever seen him a handful of times without his guard up, but that night was something different.

The consequence was that he shut me out, no texts, no calls, even avoided me during lunch. It was only a few nights before I turned into the vulnerable one. I followed him and demanded his attention and shook him out of his own world by sharing some problems of my own. Lakyn still had more, but it made a difference.

Lakyn got a new therapist. He liked her a lot -- not that he would ever admit that, but I could tell by the way he talked about her. I decided I liked her too, because I could see the difference she was making.

Sex. Lot's of sex. Really good sex.

At some point, Juliet stopped talking to Lakyn. It put a lot of stress on him, and he talked to me about it. He told me about Juliet's reputation and how he was sure she was on drugs - stuff worse than marijuana. I asked him if he was going to say anything about it, but he didn't know if he was.

Lakyn called sometimes when he couldn't sleep, or when he was just bored. I'd never been much of a 'talk on the phone' person, but Lakyn's voice was such a rare thing to hear that I found myself happy to set aside the time for him.

School ruined everything. It was just a stupid comment made at lunch, one of the few days where Lakyn actually talked, but it was like he had been outed all over again. And then, the peace we had gained was suddenly gone.

***

"Man, if we get another pop quiz in Government I'm going to die," Wesley said, dramatically hitting his head against his football.

"I feel you," I said from my spot perched on my Jeep. Ever since I'd gotten it, our morning routine had been centered around it. Matt and I liked to hang out on the hood, and others just flocked to us as they wanted.

"Heard you're feeling lots of things these days, White."

It took me a moment to place the voice, and I was a little surprised it came from Carter Johnson. We weren't friends or anything, but he'd never had a problem with me before.

"What's that supposed to mean, man?" Garrett asked beside me.

"Don't act like you haven't seen it," Carter said. He was standing just outside of our group with his hands in his pockets and a sneer on his face. "The way he hangs off that fag, ya know, the James kid? Those two and Alvarez probably take turns sucking each other off."

"I don't know, I haven't really had the time," I replied, licking my lips. "Just ask your mom."

I wasn't sure where it had come from. Maybe it was the F-word, the one I was so sick of hearing at home. Maybe it was the dig on Matt, or maybe I was just done. I'd never had that kind of sass, that kind of disrespect, but it just fell out. Word-vomit.