Me & Her

Chapter One- Me

I starred at the thin white line. My nostrils burned, my hands twitched. I thought I heard something, I looked up, my eyes dancing about the decrepit apartment. Nothing. It's just my head. Playing games. Those damn stupid games. I took a deep breath, scrunching my nose for another hit. The powder sat, not threatening me in any way, but dangerous all the same. I needed this, this substance. To keep me from feeling all the pain, all the hurt. All the evil this world brings me. It helps me forget for a while about why I'm so alone all the time. It fills a void, an emptiness inside me, one that is hard to ignore. The shallow feeling in the pit of my stomach, the constant whirling in my brain, the anger, just sheer ferocity I feel towards anyone that gets in my way. Because they all think they can stop me, they all think they know what I'm going through. They think they know everything. But they don't. My sister and brothers, my mom, my friends. The people in the rehabilitation center, they all think they're smarter than me, that this feeling can just be healed with a little time. What? And I'm guessing also a little pixie dust here and there, then boom! Problem solved. Go back to work. Start over again. No more parties. No more sex and drugs and alcohol. No more waking up in someone else's bed, no more being arrested for another DUI or using drugs. No more stealing money from your 5-year-old niece's piggy bank because you just needed one more snowfall. No more of it. They won't understand it. They can't understand it. I know it's bad. But it feels better than anything I've felt in the last year. I just want to forget the pain. All my pain. I shook the heavy feeling off my chest and knelt on my knees. My nose, hovering close to the line. I took one final deep breath, then I snorted away.