𝐵𝓁𝒾𝓃𝒹 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒 {𝒞𝒽𝑒𝓃𝓈𝓊𝓃𝑔}

9. Pawns

Renjun's funeral service was rough for almost everyone. People sobbed as friends and family gave heartfelt speeches.

It was time to bury him, everyone left the room, leaving me alone. I slowly rise from my seat, walking towards the casket. I had to decide what I was going to say.

I arrive at the side and peer over, staring down at my cousin. He looked so cold and pale and lifeless.

"I'm sorry."

That was the first thing I say without even thinking. The tears begin to pool in my eyes as I continue to stare at him. So cold, so lifeless, so emotionless.

"You didn't deserve any of this Renjun. You deserved a good life surrounded by loving people and I'm sorry that I didn't help you sooner. I'm sorry I didn't tell someone. This is all my fault and I'm sorry," I sob, holding onto the casket for a support.

"I could have saved you but I was stupid and chose love before you and I know you'll never forgive me. I'm so sorry Renjun."

All I wanted was to reach out and touch him, hug him, show him that I regretted everything.

It wasn't true though, I didn't regret everything and that's what broke my heart. I was still in love with Jisung, even after this whole mess.

I slowly calm down and walk back to my seat. I continue to stare at the casket thinking about all of the happy times I'd had with my dear cousin. I hear someone sit down beside me but I don't move a muscle.

"It must suck, losing a family member," the person, Jaemin, says. I nod slowly.

"You wouldn't be here without him. He told me so many stories about the two of you. You guys were inseparable."

"We were brothers. He was there through it all."

And I betrayed him.

"You don't have to go through this alone Chenle. I'm here for you, we all are," Jaemin says, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.

Renjun would still be alive if he had never came here, if he never met Jaemin. It wasn't Jaemin's fault but somewhere deep in my heart I blamed him for the negative turn of events.

Jaemin was just as broken as him, just as fucked up. We had all been caught in this mess Jisung created. We were all pawns in his game, useless and disposable.

"Thank you, Jaemin," I say, looking at him. His smile was soft and full of understanding.

He leaves a little while later, along with the casket, leaving me alone in the empty funeral home.
I didn't want to see the burial.