To My First.. Everything

Part 1: Just Remember

I don't know what to feel at this point. I still love you but you did me wrong in so many ways. You blamed me for stuff that wasn't my fault.

I trusted you. The thing with love is that for you to truly love someone and be able to give them your all, you have to trust them. I gave you that trust and now I'm not sure you deserve it.

But I still find myself wanting to defend you when people tell me how bad of a person you are for the way they think you treated me. They don't know what happened between me and you so they would never understand who you still to me. Everyone says they hate you that it's your fault that everything bad happened to me when it isn't.

I made the decision to let you into my life without knowing who you were. I was the one that decided to run away and you were there for the journey. The only people I really blame for what happened, are your friends who betrayed you and me. But that isn't your fault. You thought you could trust them and unfortunately they blew that trust.

And I think that after that happened, they were the reason things started to go bad between us because we were both unhappy with our decisions and what happened that we couldn't see past the anger and resentment towards them, and started taking it out on each other.

I know I'm dumb for holding on to something that's probably not going to last but I just can't let go for so many reasons. Reasons that you won't know until later when I figure out what is happening with me, how I feel physically and emotionally.

Until then, please try to remember us. The way we were. The couple that smiled and laughed with each other and had fun together. The couple that loves each other and made sure to let them know every chance they could. There were plenty of "I love you"s but there was always room for more of those and we said it in other ways as well. Remember when we talked about getting our own apartment and wanting to have kids together... Just remember that time for me, please