Not Enough | Namgi

Chapter 3

Yoongi POV

Dragging my tired body to my studio as soon as I get home, every step adds to the pulsing pain that's flooding my body. I've barely managed to get more than two hours of sleep for I don't even know how long anymore. I've lost count of the days, lost track of the weeks and months. It doesn't matter though. I have work to do, I have songs that I need to get written and prepared.

Sitting down at my desk though, my gaze immediately slides over to the picture that I have sat on the farthest corner of my desk. It's one from when I was only three, though I don't really know what it's from. I don't remember anymore naturally. The only reason I even have it is because it's a picture of my mother and me. It's the last one that we had together before everything happened. Before...

I shake my head at myself just seconds before there's a light knock on my door, the sound catching my attention. It's late, after midnight for that matter. Nobody should be awake, though the door is soon pushed open to reveal our beautiful leader stood hesitantly in my doorway, a tee shirt and loose sweatpants covering his body. I sigh softly at the sight, wishing he weren't here right now.

"What's wrong, Joon? You should be asleep like everyone else." I ask quietly, watching as he finally steps all the way into the room and closing the door behind him.

"Yoongi, what's been going on? What's happening?" Joon counters softly, gingerly sitting down on the black velvety couch on the opposite side of the room. My heart sinks at the question, forcing myself not to allow any facial expression changes that may give something away.

"What are you talking about, Joon?" I question with a tiny pout. He frowns at this though, seeming not to like my play of innocence to what he's trying to get at.

"Yoongi, you haven't been yourself lately. You've gotten quieter again and I know what everyone's saying at work has been getting to you, even if you play it off well to the rest of them. You're pushing everyone away, including me this time. I wanna know what's going on, what's happening that's causing this, hyung. I'm worried about you." Namjoon explains with another heavy sigh.

I frown, knowing he's right but not wanting to admit it. I hate always dragging him down with me. I hate always being the one to bring him down. Nobody likes someone who can't handle their own problems on their own anyways. Nobody likes having to listen to someone bitch about their problems, especially when it's not like they're anything special.

"Nothing is wrong, Joon. I don't know what you're talking about." I tell him, forcing a small smile in attempt to convince him that I'm fine. It's all a complete lie, and I'm sure he probably knows that, but I don't want to keep dragging him into my problems. It only ends up putting me through more pain anyways.

"Yoongi, I know that's not true." Joon says softly with a worried frown, expression saddened as he looks over at me. I merely frown, not bothering to respond as I look away from him. I don't bother trying to argue, telling him that it's not the case, knowing I can't really lie to him when he already knows.

It doesn't last long before he's sighing again, pushing himself up to a stand. It catches my attention, looking back over to him silently.

"Hyung, I don't know what the hell it is that's got you so out of sorts the way you are right now. You know you can trust me though, I'll always be here for you. I don't know why you're pushing me away with everyone else, but I'll still be here when you're ready to let me back in. You're my best friend, Yoongi, you're a brother to us all. I know it might be hard to see that at times, but that'll never change. Please, try to get some sleep soon and make sure you're actually eating meals. You know I know how you can get." Namjoon says quietly before leaving the room once more.

I let my head fall as soon as the door shuts behind him, my heart sinking in my chest. I hate that I have to do this to him, hate that I can't let him in anymore. I can't though, I can't do it. It's hard enough that he just proved my thoughts correct that I'll never have a chance with him, and right now it just hurts too much to be around him with knowing that.

My phone buzzes on the table behind me though, pulling me from my sinking thoughts as I reluctantly turn around in the chair to grab it. I know it probably won't make things any better, knowing who it's going to be already considering any and everyone else is fast asleep by now.

Hyung: When the hell are you going to give it all up, Yoongi? Dad and I are tired of waiting on you to wake up and realize that nobody's ever going to take you seriously. Your music is a joke and everyone knows it. Nobody wants a gay wannabe rapper. Or have you finally woken up about your interest in guys to realize that it was never really real to begin with?

I don't bother trying to type up a response to him, don't bother trying to argue with him when I know it won't get me anywhere. He's probably drunk anyways, not that he'd really listen to me or act any differently to me if he were sober.