Dear You

0.1

Dear You,

          I never thought that I would be doing something like this. I've heard about people doing this. I've read some stories mimicking it. But again, never thought I'd be doing this.

          I'm just gonna come right out and say it. I've had a crush on you since sixth grade, and I've ignored it since. Mainly because I was 11 and what the hell is gonna happen at that age? Nothing. Also, one of my best friends at the time had a huge crush on you as well. She didn't know I liked you too. We're going to call her E. You might know her. She's your current girlfriend.

          You know, I don't really know why I like you. Dumb, I know, but it's true. I mean, yeah, you're cute, you have a great personality, you're interested in something that's such a huge part of my life, but I can't pinpoint what exactly triggered my crush.

          And I can't tell you how hard it is everyday.

          Seeing you and knowing that nothing could ever happen if I want to be a good friend.

          Because she doesn't know! Because E doesn't have a clue about how I feel! Because E will never know how it hurts to watch the two of you be happy together!

          Today I watched you stress over what to get E for her birthday. How all of our friends jumped in to help. How they all thought it was so cute that you wanted to get her something even though you haven't been dating for that long. You were asking all kinds of questions about what she likes and what she would appreciate.

          You finally decided on flowers and candy. Something sweet and simple for a new relationship. And of course, I had to push the knife in a little deeper. I told you to get her a mixed bouquet, instead of all roses. Roses wilt too quickly. Assorted flowers will last longer.

          Besides, roses are annoyingly cliché.

          The cherry on top of it all is that my friends know I like someone. Not who it is, just that I like someone. They keep trying to guess. They said your name once. It was hard to say no, but I did. They all seemed relieved when I did, saying how you and E are the perfect couple. Having it come full circle back to her little crush on you in sixth grade.

          Things like that don't feel good. When your friends don't know that they're part of the problem, but you're too scared to tell them anything 'cause you don't want them to hate you even though you have no control over your feelings. It sucks.

          I hate this. I hate feeling this way. I hate how much it affects me when things like this happen. I want it all to stop.

          But at the same time, I don't.

          I get this euphoric feeling inside of me whenever I see you. It brightens my day when we talk. It's exciting, but it's painful. I don't really know how else to explain it.

          It's not terrible. At least I haven't cried over you yet. That's when you know you've got it bad.

          It's stupid, really. How there's this sliver of hope in my head saying that maybe, just maybe, that one day you'll look at me the same way you look at her. That you'll have the same spark in your eye when you talk about me. How I'll be able to make you happier than she ever could.

          But that's just wishful thinking.

          So until then, or until I finally get over you, whichever comes first, be happy with her. Give her all of your attention. Make her feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Continue to be the wonderful, caring boyfriend that you are.

          I'll wait.

Sincerely,
Me