It was 2 A.M when it started again, my thoughts, they were drowning me.
They hate you. Nobody loves you. Nobody cares.
I started singing loudly, hoping that my voice would shut out the other voices in my head.
"give me, give me shelter
From the storm
Give me, give me shelter
Keep me warm
Come kiss me by the delta
Where the river's torn"
My voice was loud, but they were louder.
You're nothing. You don't matter. Just give up.
"there's no way out
The city sinks into the sea
But if we go down, at least I'm in good company"
Pathetic. You should give up. You were meant to give up.
"give me, give me shelter
From the storm
Give me, give me shelter
Keep me warm
Come kiss me by the delta
Where the river's torn"
Kill yourself. Nobody would give a fuck.
Maybe it was right there and then, when I thought that this was a good idea.
As I was dancing to the rhythm and singing, I actually considered going to the kitchen, taking the knife and ending it. Or maybe I would take some pills, it might be easier.
"I don't wanna, I don't wanna, I don't wanna, I don't wanna
I don't wanna think about a life without you"
Just like that, my whole world stopped. For a second, I thought my heart did too.
I stopped dancing to the music that wasn't there and my tongue stopped singing.
The voices disappeared as I heard him.
"I don't wanna, I don't wanna, I don't wanna, I don't wanna
I don't wanna go to war but I'm about to"
I was right in front of my window, maybe I didn't realise how loud my voice was, but I think it was pretty damn loud since the guy that completed my song, as if he read my mind, was in the window above mine.
We made eye contact, and again, my whole world stopped, maybe even my heart did.
We just stared at each other in silence for what seemed like forever.
I tried to find something, anything special about him. But there weren't any, at least nothing I could see at 2 in the morning, under the moonlight.
"at first I thought that I was dreamin
But then I heard the voice of a girl
And it sounded like she'd been cryin
Now I'm too worried to be sleepin"
He started singing.
I just stared at him blankly.
"so I was layin on the floor of my room
Cold concrete on my back
No, I just couldn't shake the feeling
I didn't want to intrude because I knew that I didn't have all the facts
But I couldn't bear the thought of leaving her"
You don't deserve to be here.
"Aim my boombox at the roof, I'm playing "Lean on Me"
Just so that she knows that she can lean on me
And when she hears the words, I know exactly what I'll say
Promise I'm not playing tricks on you
You're always welcome to come in
You could stay here for an hour or two
If you ever need a friend"
He smiled. And I smiled for the first time in forever.
But it wasn't the last time that he made me smile.
I smiled the first time I left a note on your doorstep, "thank you" it said.
I smiled the first time you left a note on my doorstep, "I'm here anytime" it said.
I smiled the first time I knocked on your door, and the first time you knocked on mine.
I smiled when we sat in the dark after midnight and none of us said a word.
I smiled when you made me coffee and muffins.
I smiled when I was laying on your sofa as you sang for me.
I smiled when I told you my deepest secrets.
I smiled when you wrote a song that was made for only me.
I smiled every time you left me a note.
I smiled when we messed around.
I smiled when you didn't judge me for who I am.
But it was a week ago when you first made me cry.
It was a week ago when I stopped smiling.
It was a week ago when I started crying,
For all we had,
For all we didn't have,
For not telling you that I love you,
For you not telling me that you were dying.
Because despite everything that we shared, I failed to tell you that I love you, and you never mentioned that you were dying.
And now you're gone, and I'm not smiling anymore.
It's 2 A.M, my thoughts are drowning me.
You're pathetic. Give up.
It's right here and now, that I think I should follow through.
