I need to rant about some stuff...includes cussing

💔

So, let me start you off from near the beginning.

I met this amazing person (we shall call them Peter for the sake of not calling anyone out). We started dating, and it was the best. We would always say goodmorning and goodnight to eachother, we rarely fought over shit, life was great.

Then one day they decided to come clean about something. They told me, "When we first started dating, I didnt love you. I was only using you to try to get to this other girl I liked, but me and her had a big fight. And I rlly do love you now".

See now, I was completely fine with that. I loved them, and was willing to look past it..but then they said, "I'm a sex addict and I've been using our open relationship to try to make me feel less guilty about cheating on you".

That hurt a little bit, I wont lie. But again, I was willing to look past it because I loved them....I still love them.

A year goes by and one day, they broke up with me. Simply because I'm a bottom and they wanted to be a bottom too.

See by now, they have "broken up" with my about 4-6 times. Each time breaking my heart a little more. But I always "won them back".

But this time, they finally left...it broke my heart so much...I didn't want to do anything anymore. I told myself, "You will never find anyone who truly loves you, nobody wants to date a fat, ugly, worthless, stupid, dumbass whore like you".

And I still believe my own words more than others. But then this girl, who ive been friends with for a couple years, said she loved me. (We will call her Layla)

Now Layla said she loved me, and I started to love her back. But today, she told me "Idc what you say, your being my bridesmaid".

Now, ive had relationships in the past where the person just, up and left without a word. Which has caused some slight trust issues, but ive been working on those. But this, those words...they broke my heart which I have just started to put back together, piece by piece.

I can't believe I was stupid enough to believe anyone could TRULY love me.

I know now, nobody could love a fatass like me....but...I have a crush on this boy who is my friend.

And he is the most sweet, caring, gentle, cute, adorable guy EVER.

But would he ever love me?

No.

No he would not. Because why? Because nobody could love me, I can't even love myself.

I can tell you now, all these relationships have a couple things in common for me.

1. They always leave me picking up pieces of my broken heart

2. Losing trust in myself and others

3. My self-esteem is below negative right now, and every relationship just keeps making it go down

4. I have learned to never be truly loved

5. I have gotten used to leaving behind friends, and sometimes family, just to please whoever im with

And 4. Love can leave in a instant, even after being built up for a yesr or more

Now, I rlly wanna tell my crush I like him....but...I don't think he will accept my feelings.

So I will just keep them hidden away like they are ment to be...

But anyway, thank you for listening to my extremely long rant. I just rlly needed to talk to someone. And if any of you "care", thank you. 🖤