Losing My World. (Earning My Wings Sequel.)

Chapter Seven.

I didn't want to move.

I didn't want to live.

The only thing that was making me not kill myself was Lucifer and Dean.

Father had died that night at the hospital and it tore me to pieces. I wanted him back.

Lucifer was gone a lot, not wanting to be, but he had to because of school. He had instructed Dean, Jessica, and Sam to keep an eye on me constantly because he didn't know what I would do.

Right now, I was sitting in the corner of my room, a handful of pills in my hand, with my head down in my knees.

Dean left to go get something for Adrian because he was over too. I had faked being asleep so he would think he could just go really quickly.

I was alone for once in a few days and it felt good. I wanted to be alone. I understand that they're trying to make sure I don't do anything, but I don't want to be hovered over all the time, though. I had looked up things about my wings again and what I had found tore me up even more.

I took a deep breath, lifting my head to stare at the pills in my hand. Tears started to form in my eyes. I was just about to down the pills, when Dean walked in.

"Shit, Cas!" He said, dropping whatever he had and ran over to me. I tried to take the pills, but the second I put them in my mouth, I couldn't swallow them because a sob raked through my body.

"No!" I yelled, trying to keep my mouth shut so he couldn't get them out. He grabbed my face with one hand, sitting in my lap. He looked at me in the eyes.

"Castiel, please. Spit them out," he said, softly. I shook my head, tears still falling. "Please. Spit them out," he repeated.

I shook my head, taking a deep breath, before swallowing. They hurt going down, but it didn't matter. Dean's eyes went wide and he pried my mouth open.

"I'm sorry," he said, before shoving his fingers down my throat. I gagged, feeling them come back up. I started coughing after the pills came back up, everything landing on Dean. I continued to cough and cry. "Come on," he said, standing up and pulling up with him.

I wanted to refuse getting up, but I couldn't. I was too weak. I let him walk me to the bathroom and he shed his shirt, turning on the shower. He unbuttoned my shirt before putting his hands on either side of my face.

"You're okay. Its okay," he whispered. My lip was quivering as he finished taking off his clothes and helping me with mine as well. He let me get in first, letting me stand under the hot water coming from the showerhead. I sat down, pulling my knees up again like how I was sitting in my room before he caught me. I felt his arms wrap around my waist and his bare chest press against my back. "You're okay. You don't need to do that," he whispered, pressing soft kisses on the back of my neck.

I wanted to respond, but I knew it would make things worse, so I didn't. I sat there, head in my knees, and Dean wrapped around me with water flowing down onto us.

After a few minutes of sitting there, I felt Dean shift behind me slightly. I pulled my head up, turning it to look at him. He smiled softly at me, his eyes searching my face for something.

"I l-love you," I stuttered out, leaning forward to press my lips to his. He immediately kissed back and turned me around so I was more comfortable.

"I love you too," he whispered against my lips, kissing me deeper.

---

When Dean and I got out of the shower, after he took my mind off of things, Sam and Jessica were waiting for us.