In the beginning was the word, and the word was Calen. Calen was the omnipotent, omniscient being that created the universe. The universe was created when Calen farted after consuming too much cheeto dust. The fart caused a whole hot, glowing ball we call the early universe, no more than a trillionth a millimetre wide. The universe, like calen's fart, is at this time 10^32 Kelvin. After a rapid explanation over about 14.5 billion years, Calen decided he was bored. He would create Earth. He made the solar system, and then Earth, and then joined us in the form of Calen Lee-Davies.
Our story starts in Israel where Calen appeared. Calen was not happy at this point, as he had sat on an apple that had gone right up his bum! From this point onwards, looking at an apple would be seen as a sin, and this would cater be the reason why Steve Jobs was diagnosed with cancer, and why Newton died a virgin. After wondering around in his creation for quite some time, he came across the small village of Dahab. It is here that he was enticed by the sounds of screams coming from a local blacksmith. It was the screams of young Speck, a small, skinny little creature wearing a Bestival hoodie with some briefs and sandals. He also wore a Fez on his head. Next to him was the blacksmith, Dex. Dex would form iron spears which he would mould by molten lava. To cool down the end of the bar before he would mould it, he would press it against Spack's head. The only down side of his behaviour is that it encouraged the expansion of big brain energy in Spack's head. Although Dex did this, him and Space had a close bond that every other villager seemed confused by. "Stupid cunt" Calen said as he kicked Spack to the floor. "Was that very nice, sir?" Dex asked Calen. "Shut up, cunt" Calen said to Dex. There was now tension in the air. Being and all-knowing entity, Calen recognised this and apologised. "I must introduce you to someone who I think you'll like" said Dex to Calen "Spack, get the keys" he added. They took Calen to the blacksmith's dungeon where they met a man wearing a chocker and stockings, constantly amazed by a lighter he carried. "This is Jaye" Dex said "The dungeon master of Dahab". Calen quickly became fond of Jaye, signing him, Dex and Spack as his slaves. He told them that he was looking to find Palestine in order to get to Jerusalem. "Oh no" said Dex "We do not venture to those parts, as the are ruled by King Bwan and his disciple, Dink. Dex told calen that Bwan would murder people with his deadpool car, running them over. "Bwan is awful" said Jaye "He confiscated all of Israel's weed". Disgusted with this, Calen vowed to seek and destroy Bwan and his car.
Calen, Dex, Spack, and Jaye all set off to Palestine. They would ride there using an old RV that Dex kept out the back. It would be a long an harrowing journey, but they had to do it for the sake of Israel. Spack told Calen than Dink had been captured by Bwan to be his disciple. Feeling sympathy for Dink, which is a feeling Calen rarely possesses, he gave Dex's RV the ability to travel at light speed. A few seconds later, they arrived at Jerusalem. Having heard word of they eminent arrival a millisecond before, Bwan came out to welcome Calen to his kingdom. Calen realised that Bwan was an amazing guy, and Bwan invited them to stay for tea. For tea, Bwan made literal hash browns, accompanied by some lean to drink. Dink told the four brothers about the situation going down in Greece.
Greece was being ruled by the Grease. An evil entity who was known for his greasiness and uncleanliness. Leading a revolution against the Grease was Nathan, Squilliam and Jamez. Nathan was the most powerful of the three because -appart from also being a god- the other two were jews. Bwan, Calen, Dex, Spack, Jaye, and Dink all agreed that they should go and help fight the Grease. Bwan offered them all weed to take for the journey, and if they were to defeat Grease, a lifetime's supply of weed.
So off they went to Greece, where they met with the revolution leaders and quickly formed strong friendships.
