Just like always I fell asleep 2 hours ago, but I still wake up when I hear my mom get out of bed, but I just stay there. I hate sleeping at night, so I just read or listen to music or write at night and try to sleep all day. I just graduated 4 months ago but am jobless and I still haven't figured out what to do with my life. People say I am negative but am a very positive person, I mean I have hated life since I was 15 but it has been 7 years and am still here so that should show how positive I am right? I mean surviving this shitty life is very positive right?
Last night was one of those days, you know where I cry all night and write worthless words worth my life.
She felt like it was unreal.
the sorrowful nights
the tear-stained pillows.
the sleepless night
She thought that it was unreal.
the lust for her own blood
the disgust for her own self
the hate for life
She believed it was unreal.
the continuous pain
the unstopping hurt
the nonexistent drowning
She thought that she would wake up.
She felt like it was unreal.
her painful existence
her silent tragedy
where she can never die in it
She felt like it was unreal.
for her not to wake up from it
or die...
..
..
....
Ya, I know it was this bad, am like a different person every 12:00 pm; it is like midnight turns me into somebody else, but I feel free, I feel like myself...
The tears fall, the words that got lost at the tip of my tongue come and I write...
I spend my days sleeping and my nights crying, I have tried to figure out what is wrong with me bipolar, depressed, anxiety, empathy but I just can't get categorized. Am like a defect.
Well, am talking too much, let me check my telegram, am bored and I need to see what I have done, I act like a crazy f.... drunk whenever I get sensitive.
I get my phone out and check it out and I got a text from an unknown person when I open it, I am like 'the fuck is this shit' God I am dead, I am so dead... what did I do!!!!!...
"If you want to accept this job, go to this email address and register your information. "
Now I should be happy about this right well let me tell you what the job is "Marriage! " ya you heard me right, that is the job, what was I thinking yesterday, Jesus, Marriage, I hate guys and I don't believe in marriage, the 30 shitty years of marriage of my parents just ended last year and it was never better, my friend is married to a shitty guy with 3 kids, hell no! I turn my account to last seen recently so no one will know when I was online and log the fuck out, this shit is scary.
Ok now time to go back to sleep.
4:10 pm
4:13 pm...
4:16 pm
.
.
11:00 pm...
ahhhhhaaaaaa An hour of tossing and turning, this is a nightmare. I need to stop myself from doing this crazy shit. it is crazy I know it is crazy, but I can't stop myself. it is like an itch I need to scratch. I want to open that damn email and check it out.
ok, here we go, I think this thing is a game. is it a questionary?
name Mehret Tesfa meaning mercy hope, I am nick named mercy.
age= 22 in world years, 100 in soul years. people call me an old soul.
family members= father, mother, 2 brothers, 2 sisters
dating history= never dated, am anti male.
work= unemployed
future aspiration= none
where do you want to live in the future= away from family I will disappoint.
how much money do you want for this job? = I thought you said a million dollars, are you changing your mind now.
will you be available for the whole year without changing your mind? = if am still alive.
will extending the contract time if necessary be alright with you? = are you paying?
if this marriage happens, will you sign the contract and follow the NDA no matter the situation? = sure thing. it is not like ama tell people I got a fake hubby man.
''do you like cake?' what the f..., what is this? a deal breaker or something? this people might be crazier than me.
ok let's answer,
do you like cake? = nope, I like things that are sour and spicy.
ok if you have filled in the above information, we will get back to you.
okay, that was fun, now I can sleep.
YOU ARE READING
my unwanted life
General Fictioni don't want my life, to be precise i don't want a life,all it has shown me is pain but then again i don't have the guts to take things into my own hand and hurt those i love so i choose a lie.... he does not want a wife, marriage is something he ha...
