Lost

(Okay so to begin with; My perception of BTS members might not be like yours, or I may be painfully oblivious to character traits that they have and I'm sorry. And Secondly, if they have a stage name I'll probably use their stage name. It makes spelling and my life a whole lot simpler)
(attention- okay I wrote this two years ago on amino before I was really into BTS. This is the first BTS fic I ever wrote so uh- have it ig)

The world seemed far away sometimes. Not physically, Suga could feel his feet on the ground, or his hands holding a microphone, or tying his shoes, so no, physically he was always aware he was on earth. Spinning In an infinite loop, feeling as though he'd never get back to the part of the universe he had begun in.

But mentally he seemed far. In interviews, he'd get lost in thought, or at a meal, or at a recording, or while in the shower, or just sitting down backstage or at home. Suga didn't try to voice his complaints but it wasn't because he didn't want the others to worry, he knew the others worried actually, it was because he couldn't make sense of it. He couldn't just speak up and say, "I know I'm on earth, I can feel and see and hear, but I don't feel like I'm here. I feel like I'm hundreds of thousands of universes away, floating and lost." And then change the subject without an in depth conversation. He couldn't say that and then follow it up suddenly with "Who took my shoes yesterday by the way?" Because that's not how it worked.

So Suga felt lost. And he didn't address it even though everyone seemed to be able to tell...or so he thought.

It was late one night, they were tossing on their clean shirts and washing their faces after a concert, each of them taking slow breathes still struggling to correct their breathing. Suga was lost that night, on stage when he wasn't rapping he was half-heartedly dancing along with the others, giving it his all was so tiring and even if he tried tonight just wasn't his night. So, of course, he felt far off, he felt as though he'd let the army down, and not to mention his friends. Everyone was leaving him alone as he got his things ready to head back to the hotel room. Everyone but Jungkook.

To cut the youngest member some slack, he was one, tired and acting silly to stay awake, and two, completely oblivious to how Suga acted when he was down. Because Suga didn't like seeing Jungkook struggle with not knowing how to help. None of them did.

But Jungkook was fully goofing off. J-Hope was messing with half-asleep Jimin across the room so it wasn't like nobody else was acting out, so Suga tried to shove it off as Jungkook pulled at his articles of clothing and messes with his hair, trying to get what he assumed was a just-tired Yoongi to smile a little.

He gave him a small, quiet warning, "Kookie stop it." He mumbled, his voice teetering over the edge of sleepy into the endless pits of aggravation. Jungkook just laughed though and started to toss little plushies at him, and when a flying RJ whacked him upside the head he lost what was left of his cool. His fist clenched as he glared at Jungkook, "Didn't I say to stop?" Suga hissed.

Taken aback by Sugas' sudden actions Jungkook laughed awkwardly before throwing his own bag over his shoulder and shuffling away. Suga immediately felt bad and RM sent him glance. He couldn't tell if it meant he was angry or worried, but it was definitely directed at him. Jungkook started talking to Jimin as they walked out of the building and Suga found himself grasping his backpack straps tight enough to turn his knuckles white. The air outside was cold and windy and the group stumbled tiredly into the car meant to drive them back to the hotel rooms.

And as Suga found himself being crammed into the very back of the car he couldn't help but realize he couldn't apologize to Jungkook. Because the simple words "I'm sorry." Were lost along with him. Floating meaninglessly in the void of dark space with him. He could say them, but they meant nothing. Neither he or the young member would accept the apology. He shuffled in his seat, and V who was sat next to him gave him a small smile.

Suga couldn't help but envy the younger man sat next to him. Because he wasn't lost like him, that smile was perfectly grounded and genuine. V could apologize, be happy, laugh, be sad. And he could understand it all. Suga was alone in Yoongi land, floating. Useless. Scared. And while physically he could hug the others and consul them, he couldn't even find the right part of his head to apologize. He was sorry. But that didn't mean anything. And sometimes he couldn't help but feel that nothing truly did.