Just Stop & Breathe

I closed my eyes and pushed my head up.  The water trickled down silently as I stood there motionless.  Even through the water, the door and the other things that should block sound, I could still hear the rising voices in the living room.  

 “Olivia Gretchen Stone, you listen to me right no-!”  My sister drowned out my mom’s voice quickly.

“No, you listen to me! All you ever do is tell me what to do and I’m getting tired-“  

 Voices overlapped each other like a never-ending sandwich.  

 All I wanted to do was stand here, in the shower and just think.  Think about how good life was two days ago even though it felt like years.  Olivia, Liv (as I and her friends called her) got a little rebellious.  Scratch that, she got overwhelmingly rebellious.  At first, my mom and I just thought it was a phase, but we were wrong.  

 “You know the choices I make are for the best of you-“

 “Blah, blah, blah, just shut up, woman.  All you ever did was make me into what you wanted me to be!  I was like you little-“

 “Don’t you dare talk to me like th-“

 “I talk to anyone the way I want to!”  

 At the end of the sentence there was a piercing silence.  Although I was a floor above them, behind a locked and shut door and inside a shower, I could sense the tension in the air.  The water immediately felt like it dropped twenty degrees lower.  As much as I twisted the knob till it’s fullest extend, every drop felt like hail.  

 The silence continued slowly.  Even the subtlest sound of a footstep shattered the silence.  Listening, I heard a knock on the door.  “Ess, time to get out, I need the shower.”  The hoarse and tired voice of my sister was muffled through the door.  

 “Okay.”  I muttered.  Turning the shower off, I grabbed a towel from the metal rack and wrapped it around myself.  Taking my clothes with me, I opened the door.  The blast of air took me at shock for a moment.  Shivering, I stepped into my room, closing the door behind me.  I stood there, in a towel, leaning against the door, breathing, fighting against the coldness of the air and of the contact of my skin against the wooden door.  

 I could hear the shower turn on again.  Sighing, I dropped my towel and pulled on my underwear and bra.  I looked aroudn the room and my gaze fell onto the mirror reflecting myself.  I was still my same self physically, just not mentally.  

 I gazed at the girl in front of me before slipping into the rest of my clothes.  I wasn't really a fashionista, but I knew not to go out looking just awkward.  There was no heat in our apartment, leaving the air around us cold and motionless.  I wrapped myself up in my North Face jacket cherishing the warm gift from my aunt.  

My family was poor.  We lived in an two story apartment which was located in the urban parts of Los Angeles.  Trust me, they are not safe.  My mom worked as a waitress at Five Guys, but it wasn't enough at all.  There was no heat and we weren't aloud to use warm water and our showers had to be five minutes each.  I know that I had used the hottest water possible and I knew that I was going to have to pay for it.  

 My aunt and uncle never visited us, but every year they would mail Liv and I a gift.  They weren't silly gifts like candy or knick knacks, they were things that would last us a while.  Like the North Face I have. 

 I pulled my hair into a bun, ignoring the feeling of pain as I tugged on my wet hair.  Silently, I took my old messanger bag and slipped out of my room.  I trudged down the cramped stairs, gagging at the smell of old food and weed.  This is what I called home.  A small, cramped, two floored house full of moldy, canned food, broken windows, doors, walls, and floors, and undone laundry all over the wedged floor.  

 "Where are you going?"  My mom demanded as soon as I tried escaping the place  I called home.  

 "The park,"  I muttered.  "Where I can get away from life."  I added under my breath as I pulled my old Converse on.

 "You're not going anywhere!  You are going to sit at home and expla-  Hey! Come back here. . ."  

 Her voice faded off as soon as I closed the screen door shut.  The winter air greeted me with frostbites that landed on my fingers.  I pulled my old, olive green messanger bag around my body before hiding my hands with the sleeves of my jacket and shoving them in my pocket.  

 Walking silently, I made my way past the urban grounds I had grew up in, and made my way towards the rich and citylike part of town that made California famous.  

Los Angeles.