Dear diary...

Chapter 1. Moving on slowly

Chapter 1. Moving on slowly

The wind was howling through the trees. The rain was tapping rapidly against the window. It was one of those stormy depressing days, for Glardia at least.

She was sitting in her room on one of her cushion window seats. Her bright green eyes that were glistening in the dark room were fixated on the picture frame that she held tightly with both hands; afraid that the man in the picture frame would suddenly disappear. Leaving the small girl in the picture standing alone, just like he did in her life.

Glardia had no more room for tears. It was like she ran out of them, because all she did the last few days was bawling her eyes out. Her feelings were a mixture of grief, loss and most of all pain.  

James Jones (Glardia’s father) had recently passed away. Killed by the most deadliest type of cancer. Lung cancer. Unfortunately James was a heavy smoker, due to the stress and pressure he was experiencing in his life. 

Everyone in the Jones family didn’t know he had cancer till the day he passed away. That was because James left notifying his family that he had some business work to do overseas. However he did not leave the country. He just travelled to another state to find a cure and an explanation to the symptoms he was experiencing at that time. He did not tell his family of what he was going through. And as soon as he found out that he was diagnosed by lung cancer, he would make it a secret he would take twith him to the grave. James felt extremely sad and ashamed that he didn’t tell his family, but he thought it was for the best. He didn’t want them to go through trauma. Therefore he spent his last days in a private hospital. And he made sure that his family doesn’t know about it till the day he dies.

…. All James left behind was his will and a tape, which was a video of him explaining his reason for being absent, and also it included a ‘goodbye speech’.

  

Mrs. Jones having her 3-year-old toddler (Emily) sitting on her waist, knocked on Glardias door. “Glardia, honey?” She knew Glardia wouldn’t reply, so she opened the door slowly. Her eyes searched the room. Her heart broke just seing the state of her daughter sitting in the dark under the window, alone. She held back in her tears and swallowed her throat. She knew best not to cry in front of her daughter. She needed to be strong for her children.

She sat close by Glardia settling sleeping Emily on her lap. She noticed that Glardia was holding a picture frame. She didn’t guess who was in the picture, as she already had a feeling that she knew.

“Sweetheart” she said in a soft broken tone. Glardia did not respond she stayed there staring down at the picture frame.

“Glardia, honey. Please look at me” she said holding back her tears and sobs as much as she can. Finally her daughter looked up at her mother. But still she was silent. Mrs. Jones continued, “I know how hard it is for you, for us to be going through this… believe me honey I’m just as in pain as you are in. I not only lost a husband, but I lost my childhood friend, my soul mate, my lover” tears started streaming down Mrs.’s Jones cheeks. She couldn’t hold it in anymore.

“I feel like I lost a big part of myself. I feel lost without him. But every time I look at you, Emily and Carol it just reminds me that there is still hope left for us. You kids are everything there is left for me… I’m trying my best to be strong for you. Your father told us to be strong for each other. If we loose each other we have no one left to turn to… so please honey” she took in a big breath trying her beast not to breakdown, “Please help me help you!”

Glardia suddenly realized that she isn’t the only one who lost someone, she isnt the only one hurting. A And that her mother is only trying to be strong for her kids otherwise she would of done what Glardia is doing right now. Grieving and isolating herself from everyone.

Glardia swallowed her throat and nodded in response placing the frame back on the window shelf. Mrs.’s Jones took Glardias hands and squeezed it tight, giving a warm smile. “Come on, lets go to sleep together on my bed like we used to back when your were little”.

Glardia pushed away the fact that she wasn’t little, she was17. She didn’t care, because at the moment all she wanted was to sleep, knowing that she wouldn’t be able to sleep alone if she was to even try.

Glardia followed her mum to her room then laid on the right side of the king size bed. Her mum placed Emily in her small bed, which was in the same room. Than she got on the bed and lay next to her daughter placing her hand on her shoulder.

“I’m sorry mum,” Glardia said sadly.

“I’m sorry too. I’m sorry too hun”, she said laying a kiss on the back of Glardia’s head. Soon they both drifted off to sleep which both their bodies and minds have been yearning to do for the last few days.

**********************************************

The sun was up, and its bright light was filling the room making it warmer.

Glardia pulled tightly on the sheets over her body, not wanting to get up and remember that she is still living her nightmare. But then the conversation she had with her mother yesterday hit her. It was time for her to be strong and move on. Her family needs her as much as she needs them.

She got up swinging her legs off the bed walking towards the bathroom. She washed her face repeatedly, making sure to get rid of the red marks that her tears left behind. She took one last look in the mirror noticing that not only she looks like she’s been crying for a decade but that she at the moment shared some similarities with Einstein. Not that she had any similarities with his brain but with his hair at least.

She grabbed the brush and quickly brushed through her thick black waist-length hair. And decided to cover up the red marks on her cheeks with some foundation. When she finished preparing herself for the day she headed to the backyard where she could hear her mum conversing with her 19 year old brother Carol.

“Morning” she said in a whisper tone. Looking from her mum to her brother Carol. Anyone other then her family wouldn’t have heard her say anything. But her family and close friends were the ones who were used to her whisper-kind-of-tone.

 “Oh, look who’s up already. Good morning sweetie” her mum said with a bit of excitement and relief that finally her daughter has come out of her room. Knowing that she hasn’t been out for around a week.

Since Mr. Jones passed away, Glardia was never out of her room unless she needed to go the toilet. Other then that she would stay in there all day sitting under her window. Her mum would go to her room every now and then to give her food and water and to make sure she is ok and to also convince her in getting out of her room explaining how unhealthy it is for one to stay in a room for a long period.

Mrs. Jones smiled at Glardia whom sat at the wooden table that has been wiped dry from the rain. Carol whom was sitting apposite of Glardia looked up from his phone and took a quick glance at his sister.

“Its good that you changed your Einstein look” he joked.

 Mrs. Jones tensed up afraid that Glardia might react sensitively to his joke. She was afraid that Glardia would change her mind and go back sitting in her room. But before Mrs. Jones was about to speak. Glardia pulled her tongue out at her brother and made faces while copying what he said to her in a sarcastic way. Emily who was sitting in her baby chair started giggling at the faces Glardia was making. Carole joined in and started making faces at Glardia, which made Emily giggle and even snort. That’s when everyone started laughing all together.

 It’s slowly turning out to be somehow ok after all. Everyone is starting to go back to being themselves. Mrs.’s Jones thought. Maybe then today I might be able to tell them the big news. She then wore a worried expression afraid that they might not take the news in that well. ‘I wonder how will they react when I tell them’ She wondered to herself.