someone told me to write out me feelings, so I'll do that here

1

Today sucked, I want to end it, and end it soon. I wish that I could escape, I'm looking for any way to get free. I don't want sui ci de (on school computer I have to be careful) to be my first option, but I've been trying for so long. I'm tired, I'm sad, I want to d i e. 

Today, the person who emotionally abused me tried to get my grade marked down by trying to point out the way I signed something in ASL was wrong (I signed it well according to everyone else). It got to me. So many people say not to let it bother me or tell me to ignore it. Say the same thing to someone who broke their leg. Sounds dumb right? Maybe if the person hadn't been my only friend for an entire year I could, but they were. I hate them, I want to kill them. But, to be honest, I'd rather kill my s e l f. 

Then I was at lunch, trying my best not to cry or break down. My friends (who I love) were looking at this amazing character. I was an asshole and yelled, I was focused and talking to someone so I was less likely to snap. Worked out so well didn't it. I still snapped, and I feel sorry for it. Please forgive me before it's too late.

Then came Acting class. I asked the teacher if I could go to the bathroom. The told me in an annoyed tone that I shouldn't have to go because it's right after lunch and complained that I go to the bathroom every day in the class. I've only gone twice so far this school year, and I have first lunch, which means there is a class between Acting and lunch for me. No one uses the bathroom every day, but the person who uses it the most is the same one who abused me. They have second lunch, but they go anyways. And they're always on their phone. They are the only one who goes on their phone consistently and doesn't get punished. They have no punishment. And that brings up some buried memories and feelings for me, which amplifies it.

I just want to leave, to never wake up. I'll do my best to talk to you tomorrow, the sui c i da l piece of shit.