Lemons

Untitled part

We all go around our lives placing one mask then some other so that we could appear presentable and acceptable to the group or society we will be joining. Nobody really wants to accept you for your true-self  but the persona you will be selling them.

Standing at the edge of the sea bridge's side railing, I was looking down into the deep dark abyss of pitch black. I could hear the sound of wind blowing around the steel suspension and the rolling of the water below. Train of thoughts were coming and going from the station of my mind. I tried thinking how many seconds would it take for me hit the water or what would I do if somehow survived the fall. I gently closed my eyes. Don't know why but all the big and the small incidents which happened in my life so far, started appearing in-front of my eyes. Maybe this is what people on T.V. were talking about when they very close to their death. Out of nowhere this incident came in-font of my eyes. I don't really remember but I was most probably around 6 years old. After relentlessly trying to catch a dragonfly sitting at the higher part of the tree trunk, I asked my father to help me catch the it. "Father-Father! There is that dragonfly which I really want! Can you please help me catch it?" After listening to the innocent request of his foolish child he replied "I could help you in catching the today's dragonfly but what about the one of the tomorrow?"

"What do you mean by that, father?"

"Will you keep coming to me every time for the things you want in your life which are out of your reach? Listen carefully son! I am not always going to be around for you to help you through life. In the end it is only up to you what you can do in your life to get the things you want. You can only live your life two ways- either find satisfaction in the things you have with you or get the things you want on your own and then get the satisfaction which comes with it. So, how do you want to live your life?"

No matter how much I cried and was angry at him for not helping me, it was much-much later in my life, I truly realized the weight of those words of his. Those words became my motto, my code to live by. I never waited for anybody and strived only in the forward direction to achieve my goals.

Out of nowhere a light and gentle whiff of lemons pulled me back into the present. "What's this citrusy lemon smell?" I thought to myself.

"Your fly is open."

"Huh?!" I opened my eyes and saw a girl in her late-10s standing at 2 hands distance away from me. Our eyes only met for only like a split second. She had deep black eyes just like pitch blackness down below of my feet. Her skin was as pale as it was humanly possible. In the dim lighting form the night lights of the bridge, I could see a little bit of the top of her wrist: with grave ominousness, deep horizontal scars resided there. Probably suicidal at some point in her life just like I am right now. She wore a blue jacket with skinny jeans completed with sneakers. As for her face, she was bit on the chubby side.

"Mister, your fly. It's open." Pointing her tiny index finger at my exhibitionism. Took me some seconds to break my gaze from her and process what she uttered. After some embarrassing seconds of me zipping myself, I asked her "What are you doing here at this time of the night?"

"Nothing in particular really. I just go to the 24x7 convenience store then come here to complete my ritual. It was then I saw you standing on the railing. What about you?"

"Well I... *sigh* I came here to end my life by jumping off the bridge! As anybody could tell after looking." After saying it out loud I realized how stupid and serious it sounded at the same time.

"Hmm. OK." She replied as if it was pretty much normal for her to hear people saying that.

"What is up with this strange kid?!" I could not help but think that.