In the Face of Death

'The Face in the Mirror'

Well. You're back.

I didn't think anyone would come back. Honestly, I didn't. Nobody cares about a failure, let alone care about her story. I know I'm a mistake. I don't need anyone feeling sorry for me or pitying me or wondering what it must be like to be me. Honestly, that only makes me feel like I'm some freak show or something.
I don't want your sympathy. Really, I don't. Just treat me normally. Accept my lies and accept that I'm not going to show you I'm depressed and breaking apart inside.

You probably don't understand. Nobody ever does. Nobody understands that you've been a mistake your whole life. I'm used to it.

Suppose I'm getting ahead of myself. I know, this must be strange. You probably are already losing interest. I wouldn't blame you. That's usually what happens to people who listen to my story.
Perhaps you'll be different. Maybe. Maybe not. Depends on who you are. Maybe you understand what it's like to have depression. Maybe you don't.

By the end of this story, you will.

I know I'm not making any sense. Just listen to my story. Then maybe you'll get it. Maybe you'll understand enough to help someone else.

Someone like me.

Alright, I think I'm ready. Ready to tell you my story. Okay, I'm going to brush away the tears and start writing. I need you to listen. Then nobody will suffer the way I did.

Okay. Here it is. My story.

A troubled time.
10 years ago.
•••

I felt my wavy hair fall down to my shoulders, as I pulled myself out of my warm bed. My eyes were foggy, and I couldn't help but resist the urge to stretch or yawn. I hate when I do that. I don't know why. I looked at my clock, glowing a bright 7:02. It was time to get up.

Time to face another day of hating who I was.

I sighed, wishing morning hadn't come so quickly. Then I could still be sleeping. Sleep was such a comfort. You could drift off peacefully, or then find yourself falling into a dream where you could love yourself and have the best life possible. You could imagine the perfect world that you could never have.
Dreams were my haven. I loved them. It's usually where I went to my normal place.
I sighed, already feeling my mind fall into this world I had imagined, a world where I was finally happy.

As I fell back into my pillow, my mind already beginning to drift, I heard a sudden rap at the door.

'Perry, are you awake? Breakfast is at the table.'
It was my foster mum, Shawna. She quietly opened the door, then looked into my eyes as I sprang up, snapping me out of my trance. I was disappointed when I looked around my room. It was still the bare walls and empty room that I always lived in, not the colourful and beautiful room I had in my normal place. I sighed, feeling sullen.
'Perry? Are you alright?' Shawna asked. She walked over to my bed, then smiled at me. 'You slept in a little again.'
I looked at her. 'Yeah. I'd better skip breakfast. I'm running late.' I was never hungry in the a morning anyway.
Shawna never realized that I purposely slept in just to miss her breakfast. I didn't deserve it. I don't deserve breakfast. Because I am a burden. And being a burden in a foster home makes it so much more worse. I'd explain why I feel this way, but I'd rather not.

Shawna frowned, a worried crease appearing on her forehead. 'Alright Perry. Just hurry, and make sure you brush that hair of yours. It looks like it has a mind of its own.' She chuckled, then left.
I sighed, then swung my legs over my bedside. I stumbled to my bathroom, preparing myself to see the ugly creature staring in front of it.
'Another day, another nightmare.' I thought.
Just the sight of myself made me want to cry.