Hold On

I. Lust Rules Over Love

...3 a.m.

I can hear every tic-toc of my analog clock, placed on my desk that filled this deafening silence inside our room.
I am here, on bed, laying with my wife whose tired of ignoring my selfish acts everyday.

Yes, almost every day she ignores me because of my foolishness.

But this time, she was crying. As if I have committed something to make her cry so hard, having raging breaths to cope up with her breathing -
That she even can't talk properly.

I can say that, cause I was there when she was suffering. She saw me too and I was about to hug her but she pushed me away.

"C-can't stay near you..." she said, on the verge of tears. She smiled weakly as if to stop herself, holding whatever it was that she had.

I asked her.

"Why, baby?"

She just shook her head then wiped away every drop of tears.

"Talk to me baby. I'm having an odd feeling seeing you like that. You're supposed to reprimand me, right? You can do it. Do it, anytime. I would love to hear it. Just.. not like that.."
I said, unaware of the gloomy situation we're in which suddenly made my conscience shake me till I've felt guilty.

There're thoughts swirling around my mind but I can't still pinpoint the most possible reason of her downfall.

Then I wonder...
What did I do? She knows me already. Maybe it's because of Maylene? Or Samantha? Goodness! What is wrong with her?

I screamed in my thoughts, almost making it slip my mouth yet I managed to shut myself.

I was thinking deep, finding that specific cause of what might it be -- but I was drawn back when I saw her pushing some luggage bags beside our red velvet-colored sofa.
The very sofa we're supposed to have fun with but I tainted it with another women, worst of it-- I tainted it with that woman.

Whirls of negative thoughts with mixed emotions roamed around me from top to bottom that it gave me a chilling effect then a sudden heartache.

"B-baby? Who's leaving? C-can we talk longer? Tell me please? I'm not getting any of this right now? Did I do something worst?"

Fear crawled in and spreading it's effect all over me.

She's my wife.

I can't afford to lose her.
No, I don't want to lose her.

She's my everything...

But why now?

"I am happy and hoping I can still be like that with you for a longer time. I am happy that you chose me over them. I am happy that you're still here, living with me. But I guess it's time for our end, Charles. I can't take it anymore, not again."

She spoke.
But I barely get the view she was trying to point out.

"What do you mean baby?"

"I-I'm tired of being your wife, sharing you with your other mistresses. An old lady told me, if you do love someone then it'll be that someone only you would love to. But look at us.
We're like a fake couple. Maybe it's because I don't got the standards you want to have in the first place.
You were forced to love since we were an arrangement and never been true. You treated me as some sort of a business partner, an investor to your company. I am just a tool being used by you, right?!"

With great shock, I saw myself for the very first time as an asshole.
Yes, she's right.
Samantha and Maylene are my mistresses but we both agreed the time I may enjoy with them.

"In addition, they're both pregnant. So congratulations with it, Mr.Charles Higgins. While me, couldn't even give you that."

She ended our conversation with my mouth hung open as she stormed inside our bedroom.

Few minutes later, I followed her and saw her sleeping already.
I walked near the bed then covers her small and sexy figure and kissed her forehead as a goodnight.

"I'm sorry... for everything."

I whispered, then turned off the lights to sleep.
But the reality of me having kids somehow kept me from taking my slumber.

It was then that time, moments of me with my women flashed back.
It's when Catherine saw me riding Samantha roughly on our dining table but she didn't bother stopping me.
Or with Maylene whose into making me curse because of her talented tongue pleasuring my perverted cock.

Still, she didn't stop me.

Days ran past, we're like that. Whenever she got home and saw me with other women, she's not making a fuss out of it.

Instead, she would just go to the fridge then drink some water and headed straight to our room.

And every time she does that, I somehow felt lonely.
It's sad seeing your wife suffer as a sacrifice of your own lust.

I know, I can tell.
Even if she's not talking about that matter.

And now, it got more complicated.

I got her near me yet still I can feel she's so far.

It's slowly killing me.
This guilt and this pain of letting my lust rules over love.

After hearing the news,
I know I was happy.
Yet I can't make myself proud as a father because of that.

I'm an asshole, craving for pleasure than fulfilling the duties of man and as a husband.

In other terms, I'm a failure.

I tried thinking ways to make it up to her.
And tried to make myself be better.

I glanced at the clock, it's already 5:35 a.m

"Goodness, I can now sleep." I uttered, letting out a long yawn then started cuddling myself, facing her.

"I have to make myself better starting tomorrow baby.
I love you."

[A message from le author;
Hope you all like it. 🖤
I'll be making more chapters till it says "The End."
You can comment and suggest for it'll all be considered, depending if there are some connection with the next chapters.
Keep on following xpromsg31, onegai! --
I thank you, so much. 💋]

—xpromsg31