No Other You

All or Nothing

Author's Note:

... And we're down to the second to the last chapter of NOY. Sa muli, thank you thank you sa lahat ng bumasa't nagmahal ng fan fic na 'to, from the silent readers to the vocal ones. Your love and support have meant so much to me. 

Minsan nga, napapaisip ako, nandiyan pa rin ba kayo kung mag-dedecide akong sumulat ng iba pang KD fics? We'll see HAHAHA for now, please do enjoy NOY, as well as the songs that I will be posting above that just scream Jaimie and Eric. I also suggest that you listen to it while reading para mas feel na feel niyo yung fic. 

Anyway, tama ng satsat, don't forget to follow me on Twitter @faulkernette and if you want to make friends, I'm just a PM away!

--

We had our talk at the Salcedo Park nearby. Andami naming memories dito. 

Before Eric decided to transfer companies, he and I used to be just a walking distance away from each other. 

Lunch breaks? We'd spent it together. Late na akong makakauwi ng dahil sa work? He'd wait up for me, even if he had timed out hours earlier, just to make sure that I would be home safely. Weekend OTs? Nandito kami sa Salcedo, bumibili ng kahit na ano para sa condos namin at para sa tiyan naming parating naghahanap ng pagkain. 

The memories we had made here were mostly happy, which was why I was having mixed emotions with the fact that despite being at the park once again, we were here for an entirely different reason, with an entirely different mood. 

I couldn't help but look down at my hands as I replayed what Natali had said to me earlier. How Eric had called off the wedding after realizing that it was still me after all, how badly she had wanted to swap lives with me just for her to know how it would feel like to be chosen by him. 

To say that "I felt bad" for her was an understatement to what I was truly feeling, but I guess I'd simply have to live the rest of my life silently agreeing with what she had said at the gathering earlier that I was indeed a wedding planner who had destroyed her clients' wedding. 

Nakakahiya ka, Jaimie. 

"I'm sorry... for everything." Eric began, breaking the silence that had enveloped us. "I know I could've just pushed through with the wedding, pero hindi ko kayang magsinungaling sa lahat, Jaim, lalong lalo na kay Natali, sa'yo at sa sarili ko, dahil alam kong hindi naman talaga ako magiging masaya sa desisyon ko." He added. 

"Before calling it off, I thought about everything thoroughly. Kung selfish ba yung desisyon kong tapusin na ang lahat, kung may karapatan din ba akong maging masaya pagkatapos ng ginawa ko kay Natali... kung mali bang piliin ko kung ano at sino ang sinisigaw ng puso ko." He said. "But all roads still lead to this, na dapat gawin ko kung ano yung tama kahit makasakit pa ko ng iba, dahil tulad nga ng sinabi ko kay Natali, it seems to be the decision that will set us all free." 

I sighed in reply. 

"Sana, ganun nalang kadali ang lahat, na just like that, we can ride into the sunset and be happy, but that's not how life works." I said. 

"Alam mo, Eric, I knew I was in love with you from years back, pero naduwag ako. Naduwag akong aminin sa'yo at sa sarili ko na mahal kita higit pa sa isang kaibigan, dahil natakot ako. Natakot ako na baka if I took the plunge and things didn't work out, I'd lose you. Kaya ayun, I had to pretend like everything was purely one-sided between us, just to keep you in my life forever." I explained. "But then Natali came into the story, at naging mahirap ang lahat, naging kumplikado, kasi paano ko ba naman ipagpapatuloy ang pagpapanggap ko kung nakikita ko yung taong mahal ko na ikakasal na sa iba, di ba?"

"But... I tried my best. I tried my best to pretend until the very end." 

Eric held my hand. 

"But you don't have to pretend anymore, Jaim, dahil malinaw na sa atin ang lahat. Mahal natin ang isa't isa. Hindi na natin kailangang pahirapan pa ang mga sarili natin." He said, feeling a bit hopeful. 

"Eric," I replied. "Gustong gusto kong sabihin sa'yo na oo sige, magmahalan na tayo, gawin natin ang lahat ng gusto natin, pero hindi eh. Hindi ganun kadali ang lahat. We still need time." 

"Time?" Eric's eyebrows furrowed. "Jaim, we've gotten way more time than we've ever needed. Ang tagal nating hinintay yung pagkakataong 'to, andami na nating pinagdaanan. Halos ikasal na nga ako sa iba sa dami ng time, tapos hanggang ngayon ba, 'yun pa rin ang kailangan natin?"

I felt the frustration in Eric's voice. I knew and felt how badly he had wanted the both of us to be together, after having spent years of suppressing all of this, but we had to let the entire situation cool down first. 

It wasn't good for the both of us to be romantically linked with one another, just a day or two, after he had called off the wedding. It was going to strain not just our reputation, but our relationship with our loved ones and I didn't want that to happen. 

"Eric, I hope you understand. Kakahiwalay mo lang kay Natali. Kailangan mo pa ng konting panahon para sa sarili mo."

"Hindi, that's not what I need." Eric replied sternly. "Do you know what I need? I need you, Jaimie. I need you." 

"All these years, Jaim, ang gusto ko lang naman sana ay mahalin mo rin ako, pero bakit hanggang ngayon, hindi mo pa rin 'yun maibigay sa 'kin?" He started tearing up. "Ganun ba talaga kahirap para sa'yo ang piliin naman ako once and for all? Ang piliin mo namang maging masaya kasama ako? Hanggang kailan ko ba kailangang maghintay, Jaim? Sino na naman ba ang kailangan kong makilala for you to realize that when you love, it is all or nothing?"

"When will I ever be the risk you'd be willing to take?"

I was silenced at what Eric had said. When was he going to be the risk I was willing to take? I knew I had loved Eric long enough, pero hanggang ngayon, bakit naduduwag pa rin ako? Was it because I was still afraid to lose him? Was it because I wasn't ready for us to level up just yet? Pero kung hindi ako handa ngayon, kailan pa? Eric was right. Hanggang kailan pa siya maghihintay, hanggang kailan ako maghihintay?

"Eric, mahal kita." I said, caressing his face. "Mahal na mahal na mahal kita. But I guess... I'm the one who needs time to process things. Hindi ko na maintindihan ang sarili ko, pero alam kong mahal kita."

"Then be with me." Eric said as his forehead met mine. "Wag mo ng pahirapan ang sarili mo please. Jaim, you know we've waited for this for a darn, long time. We deserve to finally be happy." 

"Please," I said, with tears rolling down my eyes. "Just understand me now. There will be a right place and a right time for us. I just know that it isn't now. Mahal kita, Eric, pero sa ngayon, that love just isn't enough for me to say yes to the idea of us."

"Pero bakit?" Eric was now crying. 

"Just give it some more time, Eric." I replied. "Kung tayo, tayo talaga, at kung aabot man tayo dun, sinisigurado ko sayong wala ng makakapigil sa 'tin." 

"Is this goodbye?" 

"Maybe. For now. But simply trust me, Eric. Everything will be okay."