I never did anything to mark my record. Had any boyfriends, said badwords, cheated or any impurities. I wanted to stay pure and a model to my classmates. But somehow, I'm still a human and humans can never be perfect.
He's in 1st year college, I'm still a 3rd year highschool. That's still okay. As long as he's older than me. :)
IDEAL MAN:
1. A Christian. He's a catholic and his name is Christian. But he's just a crush or puppy love as they call it.
2. Taller than me. Well yes, he IS taller than me. Is he?
3. A gentleman. I've read his comments towards his (female) classmate's pictures on facebook. He said that girl was ugly and was a disgrace to their race, which means they had the same hometown.
4. A gentle brother to his siblings. He never hurt his brothers and sisters, only when they were young and small.
5. A good child to his parents. He never answered back to his parents' advices, MAYBE?
6. Does he use or speak Latin words (bad words)?Maybe yes, Maybe no. Never heard him say it to us but heardhim say some to his dumbfolded brothers and sister.
7. Older than me. Yup! Certainly! And Certified 1 or more years older than me!
8. Sets his goals and priorities as first.
9. ?
Maybe numbers 9 and above will be managed soon. These are just standards for me to base on. :)
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JOURNAL
June 3. 1st DAY OF SCHOOL.
I was walking on the school's corridor. He was there standing beside the door. He was smiling at me. And that was because he knew me. I was their neighbor 6 years ago. And look at him now. He's matured already. A good-looking and well-mannered guy. I smiled back but then saw someone on his back. Not only someone- but someMANY. They were all girls looking at the person he's smiling at. (And that was me.) I felt insecure. I never liked being looked or stared at as if something...wrong was with me. And so, I bowed my head and passed accross them.
Something was disturbing me. I felt unstable. Was it because He, of all the boys, became the 'heart throb'? But he isn't actually the MAIN heart throb. He's just like erm.. a low-ranked heart throb. Only those simple, not-so-pretty, with glasses, native girls liked him. And I, again, am one of them type of girls.
Look at me. I'm fat. Uhm, not THAT fat actually. I just have big muscles on my legs and that's because I'm from a native tribe here in our place. But he's also from native tribe so I don't care about my legs. It's just that.. I.. I'm bringing myself down. I have a VERY LOW SELF-ESTEEM. And I'm also a bit paranoid. Teehee.. I've got broad shoulders, long feet, long arms and dark skin. But I admit that I like myself. I love me. I don't see myself as ugly but rather prefer the word SIMPLE but ELEGANT or RESPECTABLE. I don't like wearing skinny jeans. I prefer jerseys, loose shirts, jogging pants, and loose jackets. They make me feel cooler and look like a healthy athlete. I don't wear make-ups. I believe make-ups destroy the quality of my brown, young, innocent face. I don't wear dangling earrings except for occasions. I wear sneakers or rubber shoes and sometimes SLIPPERS because I don't have any heels, sandals or even leather shoes. I don't polish my nails, I just clean and cut them. I don't have any wristbands/ watches/ bracelets to put in my wrist. So, I'm the un-girlish and conservative type of girl.
And aherm-- I don't like wearing sun glasses, necklaces, or any things. But I have only ONE exception= use them only for occasions.
I prefer backpacks than sling bags/ hanging bags. I use filecases for my documents to avoid being folded. I like using my imagination. In short, I am fond of ARTS. I have color oil pastels, oil, palettes, brushes, poster paints, stamp pads, stationary pads, charcoal pencils and prefer my things to be organized, although my room is unorganized or disorganized.
I have here with me our family's laptop and enjoy a very SLOW INTERNET. I like Japanese songs and instrumental music. I hate heavy metal music. I'm sometimes emotional and I cll myself a MOOD SWINGER. I switch into 2 or more moods everyday. Ex: Happy to sad to depressed/ sad to happy to very joyful.
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JUNE 4
"Hi! I'm Philip de Sylvia."
"uhh.. Hi.. Philip.." Then I ran away.
There was something uncomfortable and so I tried to avoid that day. But running away was a difficult thing to do.
